Have just rang a help line and asked to be placed in a refuge

[please]

help. Dh says it won't happen again and he will fight me for the kids

So it's happened before???? Don't believe him - he's just trying to manipulate you and in your heart of hearts you know this and also know it will happen again I suspect??

Get out I say - asap

I agree - if whatever he has done is bad enough for you to ring in the first place, then it is bad.

Get out and stay out.

It will be f*ckin hard, but you and your children need to be safe

He is clever and nasty couldn't run the risk of loosing the kids

I think it is very rare that the mother doesn't win

He has a highly respected job I am a SAHM

all the more reason to go now.. clever and nasty people are quite transparent to those with the power to make such important decisions.. right now ignore that though and focus on nothing but the immediate safety of your children and yourself

please, whatever it is he has done, can you report it to the police? This might help you as evidence in the future. Don't let the fear of losing the kids hold you back from doing what you need to do. You are freeing them. As flame says, its rare kids are taken from their mother. Especially if there is proof their dad is ....... whatever it is he has done. (don't want to presume)

Yes could report it but feel so guilty the kids loose there lovely home, private schools etc

he has made you feel powerless. you are not. he does this b/c he wants to control you. dont let him.
ave your children and yourself.
if you are even posting this i know you have the strength to do it.

not a lovely home if they are afraid. private schools...are state ones sobad?

no state aren't bad I don't think they see a lot of what goes on buut hear the verbal bullying not good I know

Completely agree with kinki about evidence.
As long as you do:

1. what is right for your children - ie get them somewhere safe
2. what is right for you - ie self respect and preservation
3. what's right by the law - ie report him to the police if necessary

then should it ever come to it about the children you will have the respect you deserve and will be stronger and better respected for making the move

oops can't count! (best get to my bed!)

RW speaks sense (even if she cant count)
you are stronger, more powerful, more deserving, more resilient and clverer than you think. (thats why he makes you feel useless, he needs to make you fel that way to control you. hes afraid if you knew the truth, youd leave him. and hes right, you would!)

what would you advise a friend in your situation. Or if you have one your sister? Or if you have one, your daughter when she's grown up? Take a step back, look from the outside. Try to see through all the emotions to what needs to be done to keep you and your dc safe. Don't let him blackmail you with 'it won't happen again, kids will miss their school/home etc'. Think hard, do you trust him?

agree with tm

I know I would be saying get out now. If it wasn't for a 2 and 4 year old I would have done a long time ago. God I sound apthetic. Thankyou for replying

Don't let the fact that you have children so young be your EXCUSE for not putting your needs first, make them your REASON...

You're not pathetic. Pathetic would be burying your head in the sand ignoring warning bells. You are facing this and trying to get your head around the consequences. This is not pathetic. This is the mind of a courageous woman in a frightening situation. Have faith and belief in yourself. Are you safe now? What did the refuge say?

money doesn't make a family, your children can't respect you if you accept this behaviour. Your telling them that its ok, teacher a daughter its ok to be treated this way, teaching a son is ok to be abusive.

its for their emotional phsycological welfare you should do this.

he won't win in court.

You ok, please?

Please go to a refuge now, and take the children. Don't let your partner know in advance. Also call police and ask to speak urgently to the domestic violence officer on duty. Explain that you need to be protected. Leave discussions about charges to a later day. The time when victims decide to leave is potentially very dangerous for them asn I do not want to alarm you but think you should go now, even if it is to a friend's house first. He cannot fight you for the children if you have reported an incident or incidents of DV to the police. But you MUST not let him know what you are planning. Please please stay in touch somehow.

if you love yr dk that much you will take them and go, you dont need materials you need each other and you need to keep them safe

I lived in refuges and homeless shelters and dp spent a fortune on solicitors to try and take dd away and he never succeeded.

Refuge's are okay. I've been out of one now for almost 2 months. I got loads of help, emotional, legal, practical.

Do it, it is way, way, way worth it. Risking your/dc's life is not.

He is an abuser, you will not lose your children. It will be tough, very tough because when you say "no more" the abuser becomes very angry. Put yourself somewhere where you don't have to face that anger alone.