So stressed and angry with my DS

[Felicityx01]

Hi all,

I know im posting in the relationship section but i feel i would get the most response on here.
My 10 month old DS had a meltdown this morning, crying about anything and everything! Trying to get him dressed is a challenge and him screaming just set me off in anger, his dad then knocked on the door to pick him up, I immediately said 'he's been doing my head in all morning little s*it, I need a break' He said say goodbye I said 'No i don't really want to kiss him goodbye just get him out of my sight' and I slammed the door, I've had an hour or so to calm down and now I feel really bad in the way I behaved and refusing to kiss him goodbye etc, no doubt his dad will tell his family that I'm a vile mum or something, but I just get so stressed being a single mum and doing everything, but I feel really guilty now and wish I wasn't in such a bad mood, anyone else just loose there temper?

First thing you need to remember is that a ten month old is not an adult. They aren’t misbehaving to spite you or make you angry. He is not even a year old. My guess is growth spurt or teething.

He is NOT thinking I’m going to upset mummy now and make her lose her temper.

Calling him a little sh*t is not on. No matter how stressed you are.

Single parenthood is really hard, but you need to work out how to calm down so you don’t take it out on your son.

Leaving the room for a couple of minutes (provided they are safe) to calm down is much better then yelling at him.

It really wasn't kind, and while I understand you're stressed and tired I think hellos and goodbyes are important to children.

I would make up for it with a big hello and if your relationship with his dad is good apologise and explain you were frazzled.

I think it's important (though difficult) to remember that your ds is not trying to upset you, he is just a baby. If you need space then as another suggests give yourself a minute to calm down. Longer term you might want to look at some parenting skills if you find yourself feeling like this regularly. Perhaps speak to your gp/health visitor?

Hope you have a better evening

I'm stressed and have depression and I try not to let it get in the way with my parenting, I never hurt my child and when you're moody, you say things you don't mean, so I do feel guilty about calling him a little s*it but glad he won't remember it, if I hit my child intentionally I think that would be 'not on' but I am only human and do get occasionally stressed and I felt bad afterwards that I didn't kiss him goodbye etc, but other people have said it's normal to get stressed , I know he's not purposely trying to upset me but just the constant crying and screaming got to me, thanks for your replies and advice

We're all human. Do reach out to your hv/gp, there might be some help they can give. I know children test you to your very limit. Be kind to yourself this afternoon, maybe a nice film and a brew so you're rested when he's back

Of course people get stressed and of course they lose their temper. Stress pushes you quickly to anger, a powerful and often destructive emotion. The consequence is usually bad and unacceptable behaviour. It has happened to everyone at some time. Healthy adults own and accept that their behaviour was wrong. If you don’t you normalise it and then run the risk of repeating it and then escalating the behaviour. The stress increases and the loss of control whilst angry becomes unacceptable.

The issue is whether we make effort not to repeat it. You have depression so there will be some form of treatment in place or on offer. Maybe ask for some more help. If you have just started medication, you might have a few weeks of symptoms being worse. Maybe think about passing over childcare to your ex for a while till you are better.

Otherwise was there something that triggered the whole episode that could have been avoided. For example we’re you anxious about your ex turning up to collect the baby. The crying could have been a function of that. Or it could be teething, maybe both.

Anyway my point is we do all get stressed and angry. Then we are capable of doing things we are not proud of or ashamed of. But we shouldn’t excuse the behaviour as it runs the risk that we are justifying it and therefore repeating the behaviour.