The poor relation

[Namechanger1404]

I have 2 adult children who are in relationships, their partners are lovely, and they are happy. The parents of their partners are in established relationships, are comfortably off, retired and have lives, and can offer many things. I on the other hand, am single, on a mediocre wage and feel I have nothing to offer my family. My son is mostly at his girlfriends now (my daughter lives with her boyfriend) and I feel I’m just not good enough.
I am very grateful that their ‘in laws’ have embraced my children, I’m not in competition or trying to be, but I feel wholly inadequate, and feel they would rather spend time with the other families. I feel very low.

Does/has anyone ever felt this way? How do you cope with it?

Lovely thread which has made me teary. I'm feeling very low but my kids love me to bits and that's all that matters 💜

Your son adores you Sally. That's not always the case when our kids chase the money. Kids, even grown up kids, can be so fickle sometimes, especially when it comes to money.

Money brings anonymity - you have the power to make whatever impression you choose. Lack of it can leave you exposed to the good will - or not - of those around you.

Spanish, your MIL has specific charms that look lovely - lucky you to have her. But not all of us have charms - whether that's chip pan/bohemian/allotment veg etc. Some of us are bog standard ordinary, not particularly charming about anything.

I think we need to be realistic that not many of us have charms that compete with the ease that comes with money. Plus it's demeaning to have to have something, some charm, to show for our lack of money, therefore agency.

Op I know exactly what you mean. I seem to be up to my neck in wealthy people on every front. Yy I have a bohemian charm blah blah but it would be so much easier to vanish into wealth like the rest and not stick out like a sore (bohemian!) thumb.

This describes me to a T!

Although a friend of mine gave me some interesting feedback. She said it's my 'bohemian charm' that separates me from the rest. People see me as being 'laid back' (which is very much not the case!)

Apparently, people are a little intrigued by my assumed rejection of everything other people aspire to. And I have rejected some of it.

If they judge me by anything, it's how my children are turning out because that shows them the person I am.

@springydaff My MILs 'charms' as you described are yes bringing things that she has grown, but that is a small part and it's just more about the gesture. The flower die within hours of her leaving and the veg is always a bit too unripe or too squishy and we rarely use it... The biggest part of my post was about the love and attention she gives us, which anybody is capable to do if they wish.

Thank you for all you replies. I know my thinking is probably irrational, and I know my children love me dearly, but the feeling of inadequacy is still there.

There are some lovely posts here, really heartfelt, with views from the ‘other’ side, which helps. I guess I feel inadeqaute throughout, low self esteem, so I’ll always have a tendency to feel this way.

I’m glad I have other opinions to look at, and that I’m not the only one who feels this way