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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

relationship

5 replies

Rosalla · 22/10/2018 23:50

Hello,
I thought I would share about my life story and relationship, not sure where to begin...
I met this guy when I was 21 yrs old and he was 19 yrs older than me, during that time I was just breaking up with my ex boyfriend. We were working together, he was very nice to me and we got attractive to each other, He said they were getting divorced as their relationship was not working, they had a boy together. I was so naive I trusted him. He said his wife was leaving to live in an another country and so she left. He said they were separated and will be filling for divorce. as I trusted him I didn't questioned him I felt crazy, unconditional love with him. Just to point out I was planning to go abroad to pursue my further study during that time, a few months later my study arrangement was finalised and l also had to leave the country. He wasn't sad rather happy and said he would regularly visit me and probably start a family as soon as I finished my study. So I thought may be he needed some time to sort things out, he used to visit me regularly and I was even more in love with him and used to miss him a lot, every time I asked him if he sorted out the divorce with his ex and he was always saying that chapter was closed, she would never come back, if I would merry him and I said Yes, and got married the country I was studying. So we got married and after four years we got a baby girl, I am in a foreign country without my own family, we got the baby and after four days came home from the hospital, after two days he said he needed to travel for very urgent matter without any proper explanations, I thought may be it was urgent and let him go, I was at home with 6days old c-section baby on my own, at night when the baby was nonstop crying and didn't know what to do as I was so much in pain myself. I just rang him for his support and guess who answered the phone, his ex in his house, only I know how I felt at that point, suffered, cried and felt soooo betrayed, so confused. He just said oh she is back as we registered a company together while we were together and she was the majority shareholder and she wanted her share back, until I gave her the share she would not move, he got a big loan for that company, if she complained to the bank that she was not responsible for that loan then he would have returned the loan and he wasn't in position to return the loan, she found out the company was doing well and wanted the share. My husband said he didn't want to give her the share and he was working very hard, she didn't deserve it. I am now 40yrs old with two kids, that lady never left, my husband never gave her share, only kept saying they don't have any relationships, she is there for money. I believed in him but now I am so heart, so sick, don't know what to do with two school going kids, can't forgive him. I know I should have left him a long time ago but I didn't have the courage....I feel I don't know how and where the time has gone...don't know where to begin...Pls help... ,

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 23/10/2018 00:10

OP - this is all so confusing...:
You are in your 40s, he must be in his 60s...
He clearly has had two parallel marriages - since she is around, and your had more kids with him...
What exactly is your question ?

What do you do? Well - you have two kids, so how about you do what mothers do - take care of them?!?
Have them as your priority?

As to him... You’ve lived on this Mormon-like family for a long time. Why are you posting now?
If you are unhappy - kick him out.
You are still not that old - you can meet someone.

Rosalla · 23/10/2018 00:38

As you said my priority is looking after these kids.....which I have been doing, I am the only active parent, but he is providing for the kids but my fear is if he stopped paying for their school fees as they go to private schools , then what should I do as he is not living here, I can get divorced but if he denies to pay for kids, I am so depressed that I can’t even go out and socialise, people can see the sadness in my face and they question, I feel so emotional and embrace to talk abou it, I developed rare skin disease from the stress too

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 23/10/2018 00:51

If he stops paying - you sue him for child support. And maintenance.
Also - i strongly suspect that he is married to his W1 and you - and polygamy is a crime in many countries. I’d find out and hold on to it as an ammunition.

But generally - you need to snap out of the pity party you have gojng and get your life back.
Get some counselling for depression. See friends, get s job!!!

How did you manage to have another child if he doesn’t stay with you???

Rosalla · 23/10/2018 01:22

Thank you so much for your advice

When my daughter was 4yrs old I had the 2nd child, He still comes every month and lies after lies, I didn’t understand then and now I look back and think how fool I was!!
I don’t have any physical relationship with him anymore, just being there for kids, I will look into the counciling, he pays for the kids but never on time. I had to give up my job because of the kids school runs, clubs etc.. I am only keeping myself around these two kids,

OP posts:
Rosalla · 23/10/2018 01:24

Pls let me know more about polygamy once you managed to find out

OP posts:
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