Have you tried couples' counselling? Did it help?

[Rainatnight]

DP and I going through a tricky patch. I'm inclined to see some help. But a friend has told me that counselling can make things worse before they get better and you might never come back from what you open up in counselling. So it might be better just to ride it out.

Any experience or advice about this?

Thanks.

Did it help?.... Nope. Sorry

Me and dh had counselling. If we weren’t married and had dc, I’d have buggered off instead, but wanted to somehow try and salvage our marriage and realise what we had before dc.
I wanted to start counselling in Oz, but it cost a fortune and we were moving back (emigrating to Oz was part of the problem also).
We came back to the Uk and had counselling here. It worked for as we are still together after 5 years since counselling.

But, I will say it is all relative as to what problems you are having and how to salvage it, and pick through the problems.

Good luck

I had therapy with relate about 4 years ago when DH decided he wasn't sure if he wanted to stay with me anymore. I was 6 months post partum at the time.

We stayed together but it wasn't better in my books. DH cheered up because he got his own way (his life was now easier, but not mine - except to say when he's happier that makes life easier for me too, ever so slightly).

We are currently going through couple counselling with a psychotherapist. This is working better for us, in my opinion, because the therapist picks up on body language mis-matching what's being said, and kindly brings back to the point when people try to escape the real issues. It feels healthier. The relationship has improved, from my perspective mostly because DH is being nicer, but I can't help wonder how much of that is the feeling that 'big brother' is watching- we do have to report back to the psychologist every week after all! The real proof of the pudding will be when we stop attending counselling I guess.

My MiL is a counsellor. There is a huge range of counselling available - try to get a recommendation.

Don’t have couple counselling if there is abusive or coercive behaviour, each get counselling alone. That is because abusers can exploit or abuse the things said in counselling and it can make the situation worse.

My dh and I sought counseling about 9 years ago. No abuse was involved. We saw a marriage counselor together and individual counselors also. We have been married for ten years now. Our marriage is not perfect but we are committed to staying together. I would go back for more counseling if needed.

I read an interesting article about couple counselling vs single therapy.

The counsellor said they believed the woman should LTB as he sounded abusive, from that she said of him.

But then they all met up together and the couple seller was horrified to see how bossy she was, and how his behaviours were misunderstood and he was undermined.

The counsellor said it changed their way of working from that moment on .

I had single therapy and I could tell the guy wanted me to LTB because I was complaining about all his faults. Now we're in couple counselling, and this guy is so fair, i think he's too fair sometimes! But in a way it's a good thing because he is giving us both equal chance and equal compassion, to try and help us communicate with the best part of ourselves. I suspect he wouldn't be so fair if I had started with single therapy!

It was an interesting article anyway. I viewpoint I hadn't considered before, and could see why someone might reach that conclusion. Obviously black and white abuse is different though.

*counsellor, not couple seller!!!

Nope because it highlighted that dh had problems that the counsellor said he needed help with separate from me. He then went on a waiting list for it. I couldn't stand the wait and called it a day. I never did find out what his problem was (but on hindsight guessed what I thought it might have been but never sure).I think it can open a can of worms personally. I really wanted it to work but he didn't open up to me. It has to be both people really wanting it to work but can also cause more upset. I'd never go again.

But what if one partner's behaviour has been so bad for so long that there's so much resentment on the other side and that now comes out in the partner's attitude to him? You don't really know do you unless you've been there