Falling in love 3 times

[CollectingMarble]

I’ve come across a theory that everyone has 3 loves in their lifetime. The first love being young, all-encompassing love that you tend to grow out of. The second love is the one that apparently hurts the most, and is when you learn how you truly deserve to be treated in relationships. The third and final love is the one in which you fall for someone who you never would have thought, but who actually is everything you realise you want.

How true do you think this is? In my case, the first love was the one that hurt the most, but the second was the one that made me see clearly and think ‘I deserve better’.

None of those apply to anything I've experienced personally.

I’ve never been in love at all, so the theory isn’t universal. I think there’s probably some truth in the idea that you fall in love in different ways during your lifetime; which reflects your changing experience, attitudes, needs, self-identity etc, and that the person you eventually end up with wouldn’t necessarily have been somebody you’d have loved earlier in your life. Three times seems very prescriptive, though.

Well my first live i was with from a teenager and was the sort of love you describe, my second one was EA, so I’m hooing my true love number 3 is somewhere just around the corner!fingers crossed

Yeah that's pretty close although I did come to the conclusion that I never really loved no2 at all

Sums up my experience!

First long term relationship was very intense, painful, massively fucked up with hindsight and trashed my self esteem.

Second was my first marriage, long term friendship that turned into love. Felt content, safe, life was good. That part lasted a few years. Then he turned horrendously abusive, I realise now I still thought I deserved to be treated like crap when it started happening again and it took me ages to leave.

Now married again. To a man I originally thought was a knob! In many ways we’re very different but deep down we’re basically the same person and I feel like I’ve come home. How I feel about him blends the intensity of the first one with the (initial) contentment and security of the second. I’m my full self, I don’t hide any part of who I am. I’ve grown up a lot. A grim marriage and an ugly divorce have given me proper boundaries and I know what makes me happy, what makes me sad, how to explain what I need and what I deserve. As a result, life is mostly free of stress and conflict. We don’t argue, no one screams or shouts, it’s easy and fun and we’ve overcome some genuine crap but communicate in the same way and have come out happier than ever.

I don’t regret the past, it’s all brought me here. It’s a horrible cliche but while I knew I loved the others at the time, how I feel about my husband is a completely different thing that I didn’t know was possible. But I wouldn’t have known that if it hadn’t been for my previous relationships.

@ComtesseDeSpair that’s what I thought as well, it cannot be that black and white. However I see the point of view that it’s different loves for different stages of your life.

I agree OP, it mirrors my experience. I'm on number 3 now and it's more than I ever imagined or expected it could be

Looking back on it now, I also don’t think my second ‘love’ was really love - but it definitely taught me a lot about myself.

Wow - that's pretty darn accurate for me!

Love 1 - 16/17 years old, thought he was the one, until I met Love 2.

Love 2 - 18/21 - treated me like a bit of something he dragged in on the bottom of his shoe, cheated on me, made me hate myself but OmG I loved him soooooo much! Broke my heart!!

Love 3- 29 to present, have known him most of my life, friendship grew into love, married now with one DD and one one the way. This one is the love of my life, my forever!! 

True for me!

First love - 15 years old - I didn't even snog him as he fancied my best pal but I was besotted.

2nd love - 20 years old - totally treated me so shit, shagged my pal they married and had no kids and split up with him being a alcoholic and her proclaiming on Facebook that he wasted her life.

3rd love - now my DH and I feel so happy with our life 13 years in.

I think about this theory a lot tbf.

First love: I was 16 and head over heels. He cheated on me with several guys and now lives as an out gay man with his boyfriend. And is to this day, best friends with my mum.

Second: The father of my child. I loved him more than I ever thought possible. Mind bending, couldn't live without him kind of love. He hurt me worse than I ever could have imagined. That one will continue to affect me for the rest of my life.

I live in hope for the third!

Quite spooky I've never heard this theory before but how weirdly accurate. When I talked of my three relationships I've often said "the first one was too cool, the second was one too hot, but this one is just right"

1st love - friends/lovers grew out of each other
2nd love- passionate, exciting but he was a narcissist and verbally abusive
3rd (and current)- perfect and we have a child, v happy family.

Oh, I’m fucked! I’ve been in love 4 times and now single 😬😬

I've been in love a bunch of times. I'm of the theory that humans are designed to couple and you don't love a finite number of times.

I’ve had 7 proper loves. I may have more. So no, I’m not buying the 3 loves theory. Why limit yourself to that few?

I had the all encompassing first love, and the second love which forced me to look at all the relationships I have had throughout my life and re-evaluate them. I am now in love properly for the 3rd time, but not sure it will last the rest of my life. I don't think I believe that this is final, or life long or any thing like that. I think it can just be that you are in the right place at the right time and most relationships are incidental.

not true for me, i never had a first/young love.

I kept the first young love, after some school boyfriends I wasn't that bothered about. I'm only mid twenties so I suppose it has plenty of time to go tits up yet, but we'll be getting on for a decade together before we know it. We definitely aren't the same people we were when we got together when I was only 18, we've grown up together and feel very confident he'll be stuck with me for many more years yet 🤗

This is true in my experience. Number 1 was when I was 16 and was head over heels for my first love back then which only lasted 2 years. 2nd love was a very controlling ex who had me under his spell and I didn't see the emotional abuse that everyone else did - lost a lot of friends and family during this relationship which was over 3 years. Now I'm with number 3 and honedtkt couldn't be happier. Known him most of my life and never thought about being with him until he asked me out for our first date. Now we have a baby and house together and I'm just so in love x

I’ve had two in the first category and one in the second. Here’s hoping for number three ...