My partner has two children, one of which his 7 yo daughter and also a teenage stepdaughter who is from his ex wifes previous marriage although she calls him dad and he has brought her up since age 3.
We have been together for 2 years and everything has been great, I have a good relationship with both girls and my partner and his ex wife have, in the majority, remain ed good friends and good co-parents to the point where we have even all been out for meals for the kids birthdays together etc. We are both shift workers and so our pattern is ten days long, with 6 days at work and 4 off etc. Partner has the girls on his days off and also on the evening of our early shift, so 5 days and 4 nights per ten and then helping each other out with child care as and when needed.
Myself and partners ex have never had any issues - we have always been civil when we have met up and I have always kept in mind that I don't know her as a person and that every story has two sides however lately things have changed and I'm not sure what I can do about it or how I should feel about it...
Partners ex has a drink problem which was the reason for the demise of their relationship and has had the knock on effect of financial issues etc. Both of them have pretty good jobs and she rents a very expensive house. Up until now he has paid for 50% of the childcare and then both parties have just paid for whatever the kids need whilst with them.
Recently, she has begun to have issues with her new boyfriend and her eldest daughter (partners step daughter) now refuses to be around the new boyfriend as she feels that he makes the drinking worse and is generally not a good partner to her mother. We have just sold our house and have bought a new one which we are due to move into, we have each put 50% in and will be paying half the bills/mortgage each which will be a stretch for me as I earn significantly less however the girls share a box room at ours and so I'm happy to do this as it means we will all have more space. Since his ex wife got wind of this, their relationship as turned quite nasty as she has begun accusing him of not paying enough towards the kids and demanding that he pay her more money. On calculating from the CSA website he would actually be paying her less if she was to go through them than he is now which he has explained to her. He currently can't afford to give her more money without compromising the move and also us being able to actually do things when we have the girls with us, thus affecting their quality of life when they see him through no fault of his or their own, purely because it seems that their mother is now jealous that things aren't going very well with her partner and feeling the need to try and ruin things for other people with no regard for the kids. I feel for him as he has given his step daughter and amazing father figure and has raised her as his own with absolutely no help from birth dad as well as being a 50/50 split for time with his own daughter and now this is being thrown back in his face...
Although frustrating and difficult for me as I have to watch this effect our life without being able to say anything about it, I feel that this recent breakdown in communication between his ex and him is not doing anyone any favours. Her new partner won't meet up with my partner despite his request to meet with him and talk to him due to the recent issues and so for the first time i feel that we are two households in conflict and that it has begun to effect the girls.
My question (after this extremely long winded post, sorry
) is what can I do about this...can I reach out and ask her to meet with me, not to discuss their issues which don't involve me but to try and build some kind of bridge so that pick ups/drop offs aren't so awkward, two of the adults involved can actually have a conversation if needs be and we can go back to helping each other out when needed again, or is this not my place to do so despite trying my best to provide for her daughter's? I'm just at my wits end with it all.