16 week old won’t settle for dad

[Chick2018]

PLEASE HELP NEEDED- my daughter won’t settle for her dad. She just cries and cries. It’s upsetting my husband and I go back to work in January. I’m just worried that when I go back to work she’s just going to cry all the time for him. Has anyone got any advice on this matter?

Are you in the house when he tries to settle her? If so, go out for a walk.
Our kids took a while to settle for my husband, but it was basically because he didn’t have boobs. Once I returned to work though they settled fine. I was really worried about it before hand too, but I think if they know you’re not in the house then they just enjoy the cuddles (rather than thinking ‘I know she’s in the next room, so why isn’t she here cuddling me!’

Thanks for the advice. Will give it a try. I just want them to bond. She will let him feed her and change her and play with her. I’m glad it’s not just my daughter that does this

You go back to work in January.... that’s 2 months away.... your DD is 4 months. That’s half her life again away. Why don’t you try this again in a good month or more?

Clearly she’s telling you that she wants you. I couldn’t leave my young baby distressed in the next room knowing she was crying for me, let alone leave the house

I agree with the leaving the house bit. She'll settle when you're not there. He's her father, it's not as if your leaving her with a stranger. It'll be nice for you to be able to get out of the house for a bit too before you go back to work.

Yeah OP, totally in the same boat, don’t worry.

Do you have a stretchy wrap sling? I would get him to start baby wearing.

Good luck.

Keep trying and get your DH to spend more time with her generally she will settle for him eventually!

Two months is AGES. Seriously, it will be ok. He could try the sling or pram for naps. They will figure out their own routine within a day or two when you are back at work. Enjoy the rest of your time off and (easier said than done!) try not to stress about it.

When I went back to work with both of mine at five months, neither took a bottle, and neither would settle for DH. Within a few days they had a great routine.

Thanks for all your advice. It’s reassuring that other people are or have been in the same boat. Will show DH tomorrow the suggestions.

OP - i’d also, as much as possible try to do a similar routine between you and H, when putting her to bed...
Feeding in the same place, etc...
I used to put the same tune on the monitor after getting mine to bed...
Ours also got used to fall asleep with a dummy. That was a great help and helped comforting them.

Totally agree with what everyone has said. At the very worst your husband will have a couple of days initially when she is a bit more unsettled/tearful and they will then workout their own routine. In the end it will be a great chance for them to bond and develop a really close father/daughter relationship.

The only way for dad and daughter to get used to each other is to be given the opportunity to get used to each other without you to fall back on. Practice makes perfect and only time will provide them both with the experience of each other that they both need so stick with it, despite how distressing it is to you all until you’ve all learnt it’s going to be ok

so stick with it, despite how distressing it is to you all

A 16 week old baby??

I don’t understand the seemingly (depressingly) accepted approach of ignoring the emotional needs of and forcing babies and young children to bend to the convenience of adults

I don’t understand the seemingly (depressingly) accepted approach of ignoring the emotional needs of and forcing babies and young children to bend to the convenience of adults

And I don’t understand how people are so unwilling to meet the needs of a child to know that they can rely on other adults.

Keeping a child emotionally reliant on one person certainly isn’t meeting the needs of the child and is very shortsighted. Poor child

My little one went through phases of just wanting me and then just wanting daddy. It's changed all the time. He's now one and will be put to bed by both (but he adores his daddy)

joysmum long term yes, but a little baby is a different matter imo

Nature has made babies cry for a reason - she feels vulnerable and asks for help. The more upset she is the more she'll want mum so I would follow her lead and let dad play with her when she's relaxed. Never left any of my DCs crying and they bonded fine.

Exactly! ^^

We can agree to disagree. Far better that my daughter was able to comforted and comfortable with her father.

In fact, we had no choice in the early weeks as my health wasn’t great. He was the first to hold her, he did everything for her except feed her as I couldn’t. I’m glad he was capable and competent and that bond they had was never lost. More people she was comfortable with is better, not worse.

I agree it’s good for dad to be able to comfort the baby but that should come naturally.... not pushing through the baby’s distress until she ‘learns it’.... that’s the same mentality as cry it out.

The OP says her DD cries and cries... that’s not how I’d want my baby to “learn” that their dad can comfort them too, by effectively telling them to suck it up because mum ain’t coming despite your tears. I just don’t agree with it as a method.