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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Controlling partner?

18 replies

hayleighxo · 22/10/2018 17:31

Hi
I'm new here so not sure if this is the right place to post or not.
I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant. And been with my partner 35 weeks! (Yep sounds great!)
Obviously we were getting to know each other and sleeping with each other and although using contraception I fell pregnant, pretty quick. We obviously have been through a lot in these past weeks. Being a new relationship on top of pregnancy isn't exactly a walk in the park. But I've just come to realise how possessive and controlling he actually is and I'm worried.
We moved in together 2 months ago. Things were ok at first. He had 2 children with his ex and I have 1 with mine and we both co-parent which we have found great!
But he is so unbelievably jealous of my ex it's unreal.
A couple of months ago he attacked me a few times through me messaging my ex about our son. I ended up with a cut to my leg and bruises to my arm where he had grabbed me. He stole my car, house keys and phone on numerous occasions so I was stranded. One time whilst I had my 2 year old son with me. I had to get a taxi to my exes house to drop my son off with him as I felt he was in an unsafe environment. Despite all this, and there being a baby involved we (kind of) made up.
Today I found out he stole my old phone, charged it up and took it to work with him to then go through private texts between me and my ex (these texts where from when I didn't even know him!) and now he's questioning me about them.
He blames me for absolutely everything, that it's all my fault. Then all of a sudden cries that he will never do it again.
When is enough enough!? I shouldn't be put through this at 37 weeks pregnant. I literally have nowhere else to turn and not sure what I should do.

OP posts:
AbbieLexie · 22/10/2018 17:34

Please please please cut all contact. Have him out of your home and away from you and your child. Do not put his name on the birth certificate. Some very wise MN people will give you the best advice. Please take this onboard and act on it.

RollsEyes · 22/10/2018 17:36

You need to get out of this 'relationship' NOW. When the baby comes along, things will be more complicated and confusing and it will be harder to leave. Make plans to leave tonight, if not tomorrow. This will not get better, I'm afraid.

I'm sorry, but things will get better, but you need to escape now for the sake of your son and your unborn child.

Thingsdogetbetter · 22/10/2018 17:44

Wtf! Enough was enough the first time he attacked you!! This guy is nuts and is only going to get worse. MUCH worse.

You need to leave asap. No joking. If he's prepared to hurt you when you're pregnant, what the fuck will he do once you have had the baby?

You've already had to remove your son from danger once. How often are you prepared to do that before his father, quite rightly, goes for custody?

This is NEVER going to be a happy ever after family with this man. NEVER.

Fuck his crying and promises. He did it again and will continue to do so.

Protecting yourself, your son and you baby is what you need to focus on now. Asap!

Thingsdogetbetter · 22/10/2018 17:47

Were you using condoms when you got pregnant? That he supplied by any chance?

WickedLazy · 22/10/2018 17:52

Agree with pp's. Take your son and run for the hills. This is beyond red flags now, he's actively abusing you Sad and while you're pregnant, bastard! Best of luck Flowers

Mummyoftwo91 · 22/10/2018 17:53

Interesting question from pp about the condoms he sounds like he isn't quite right, you need to get out now and set boundaries before the baby is born

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 22/10/2018 17:57

He will never stop this behaviour. He will never change. If you don't leave soon, you'll endure more of his awful, awful behaviour and you deserve far more than that out of life.

Give yourself and your DC a chance at escaping and finding happiness.

RollsEyes · 22/10/2018 23:49

What happened to the OP?

penisbeakers · 23/10/2018 00:30

RUN. As fast as you can.

Potato25 · 23/10/2018 01:43

He has already abused you, get out now.

MistressDeeCee · 23/10/2018 02:38

FFS -life truly is too short to put up with oddbod fuckers like this. You and your child are in danger and you need to get away from this fruitcake.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/10/2018 12:41

Enough should have been enough when he even dared to lay a finger you.
This is bad. Very very bad.
Re-read your OP, slowly!!!!
Not sure if you have a daughter but imagine it's her telling you this later on in her life.
What is your advice!???
I'll tell you what it is.
It's RUN - Far and fucking fast.
You fucked up with this one.
Don't make your DC suffer his abuse as well.
They don't deserve that!!!!!

Contact Womens Aid and talk to them.
The fact you can write all that abuse down and even have to ask is really shocking.
Tell them you want to do their Freedom Programme asap.
I wonder what you learnt about relationships growing up?
Because NONE of this is normal.

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Bananalanacake · 23/10/2018 16:24

How did you meet him. Did you know him before you got together.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 23/10/2018 16:31

What is your living situation? Do you rent together, or does one of you own the place?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/10/2018 16:36

You absolutely need to end this relationship NOW before baby is born.

He sounds horrendous but worse than that, he sounds DANGEROUS.

Please have someone with you when you ask him to leave.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 23/10/2018 16:37

What is your living situation? Do you rent together, or does one of you own the place?

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 23/10/2018 16:37

Oops sorry didn’t mean to post twice

catmum94 · 23/10/2018 18:27

Domestic abuse rises by 30% when women are pregnant and when the baby is born! Please get out before it's too late! If he's like this now, he will only get worse and you don't want him setting an example to your children or even worse hurting them himself

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