Could I ask for some advice please

[PeterPrunus]

Ex and I have been apart for nearly two years. He left me for someone else who conveniently lives in another country so their relationship has never really been official.

Occasionally (like a fool) I still check the someone else’s Instagram. I know I shouldn’t be doing it, it’s stupid and counter productive to me moving on.

This weekend the someone else has posted photos in our town with the hashtag love amongst others.
Which I would say makes them pretty official now.

What I want to ask is do you think I should ask ex to admit this to the kids? They are completely oblivious to it all and I know it will be the end of them wanting to see ex if he finally tells them the truth.

Back story to this is incredibly long. I don’t feel like I can discuss it in rl because of my stupidity in still checking this person out.

Why does it matter to the kids if he's in a relationship with someone abroad? It doesn't affect them or their relationship with their father.

No definitely not. Leave it to him.

Oh my goodness, no!!

It sounds as though this would upset your DC. Why would you want them to be upset?

Move on with your life, why would you want to cause more hurt to your own children?

No, don’t mention it at all

The best thing for children is to maintain a relationship with their father. Unless there is a reason for this not to happen, which would have applied before “hashtag love”.

So with this in mind, let him deal with the children in his way. But be prepared for a bit retcon on when they met. It doesn’t sound as though you want to publicly challenge this.

If you or he does tell them the truth also be prepared for the possibility that your children don’t reject him. This will not be a show of disloyalty.

Your role is best placed to reassure the children that them he is still their father and loves them.

It’s shit. But there is really nothing you can do about it. No child should be forced to know about his relationship, that’s his call. Not yours, you will really regret it if you push this, you’ll come across as bitter and angry and that isn’t good for you.
You need to try and move on with your life and find happiness in other ways

And don’t beat yourself up about looking. It happens, but perhaps have a think that still looking is holding you back.
Start thinking about your life.

Why would you want your kids to stop having contact? You sound like you are stuck. Stuck on being angry about it and instead of moving on you are growing bitterness.

It sounds like that's a direct result of looking at this OW's photos.

It's okay. I think alot of people have gotten to the place (me included). But you need to stop now. Cut yourself off from being able to look at this. It's not healthy and it will consume you.

Leave him to discuss it with the kids when he's ready. In the meantime, focus on your own wellbeing.

Thank you all for saying what I needed to hear.

DH's ex had an affair and left him. Several years later their DC are young adults and still oblivious. It would make DH feel better if he put DC in the picture about the separation but he knows the DC would be hurt and not actually gain anything positive by knowing the truth, so he keeps schtum. Sucks I know but you have to put the DC first.