Pregnant on purpose, can a relationship move on?

[Frogglie]

DP and I have been together 5 years. I have 2 dc (10 & 13) and he has 1 (6).

He is from a different part of the country and moved here as the prospects were better.

After a year of being together I stopped taking my pill without telling him. I know this was an awful thing to do, I’ll try to explain my reasoning. I suppose I thought it would bring us together as a family. We had talked about having a child, I was nearing 40 and didn’t want to leave it too long. I’d also had a miscarriage a few months earlier and felt a real sense of loss.

Anyway in hindsight it was a shitty thing to do, at the time I wasn’t thinking very clearly.

DP was pleased and it did bring us closer together, he adores DD and we have since gone on to have one more.

The problem is he wants to move back home to be near his family and other child. My DC are at an outstanding school and have a lot more prospects here, as well as support from my family.

DP says I took total control of his life the moment I got pregnant and if I hadn’t he wouldn’t still be living here (he told me in the past he’d never want to move back) .He says I’ve taken away his choices in life and I have to accept that and that he’s an equal partner and should have a say about where we live...

Can we get past this?

You did something very wrong. Etc etc. I can't really even express how angry I'd be at the equivalent- definitely would be no coming back from it.

But regardless, it's a really bad time to move if your eldest is starting their GCSEs and at the teenager stage where they're a little fragile (IYSWIM). Moving (even to a better school) would have a big impact. Wait until after GCSEs if you have to move at all....

Sounds like he’s going to use the you got pregnant through deception card every time he wants you to do something. I don’t think that’s fair after he said he was pleased and pushed for another child. If he wasn’t happy at the time he should have ended the relationship and he wouldn’t have wanted another. He’s just finding and old axe to grind to get his own way. Make the decision about moving without that manipulation influencing you.

You both need to put your children first and honour your relationships with them, as parent or step-parent, over and above each other. This will be so for the rest of your lives, together or apart.

Let him move back home... whilst he's thinking about 1 child.. you need to think for 4.... you stay where you are with your 4 kids.. in the good schools OP..

You're not happy to move and he's not happy to stay.

One of you won't be happy whatever happens. I suspect he'll stay because he doesnt want to leave his 2 DC with you and will internally resent you for a long time or forever.

Rightly or wrongly it's that resentment that will most likely lead to him seeking doing what he wants in a different area because he wants to take control.

I'm not sure why the first pregnancy is even a factor for the move especially considering you went on to have a second child. Sounds wrong and manipulative to me. A big decision such as a move when there are children involved is made on facts. You say you are settled and have the children in good schools. I wouldn't uproot them to worse schools so "his DC can be more outdoorsy". I certainly wouldn't put up with the attempt at making you do it out of guilt over something that stopped being relevant the minute he got you pregnant again.

How many children are there? 5 or 3? Are the younger two at school?