Why am I bothered by this?

[nannytothequeen]

My ex and I have been separated for 2 years after 25 years together. Two kids together. Aged 12. He left because he was 'unhappy' but OW (ex friend) appeared within weeks. It's all been a strain but I thought i was moving forward. Found out that they are buying a house together and this has really got to me. I drove the sale of the matrimonial home and i bought my own place a few months ago. I am driving a divorce. But this house buying and choosing a place for them and my kids DOES bother me greatly. I feel extremely uncharitable and would love nothing more than to piss all over their strawberries! Why is this even getting my headspace?

Well because it's confirmation that their relationship is working.

So far.

It doesn't mean it will always work though...just like all relationships.

It's a milestone OP....nothing more. Does the ow have children of her own?

It's probably because it signals the seriousness of their relationship.

Are you involved with anyone?💐

YANBU but you aren't the relationship police and annoying as it is you have to let them get on with it. Either he's a fit father or he's not. If he is then you can't stick your oar in.

It's bloody annoying though, trust me I understand, my XH instant new girlfriend moved in within weeks of the split. I was fuming because the kids had barely got used to the split and daddy's new house and there was another person there all of a sudden.

It's the unexpected things which swerve me, I find. It's getting better but around same time separated as you and it is still upsetting.

Nope i am not involved with anyone. Frankly I can't see that I would trust anyone again. Nope my ex friend has no children of her own. She has never been married nor in a long term relationship before now. Before she came to my house and decided she quite fancied my life. I have no doubt that their relationship will work whilst she agrees with everything he says v

And however serious their relationship, it doesn't take away from the fact that it is built on deceit and destruction.

she came to my house and decided she quite fancied my life
Well, this is why you are so hurt, isn't it? He cut you out of the picture and pasted her right back in. She's stolen your life, living with him in a house with your kids. Of course you're pissed off.

Only that it's not actually her kids, it's someone else's kids. If she has a baby it'll be her partner's third; she'll be excitedly making a photo album and he'll be watching TV. If she wants a second baby there will be six of them in there. And it's not that rosy picture of a sunny cottage with honeysuckle growing over the door, it's real life: neither of them likes the other's taste in furniture and they argue over who is going to cut the grass. They aren't going to be sitting there reflecting on their errors, but she hasn't swooped in and flown off with the idyll.

Are you sure he was cheating with her? Your posts aren’t clear.

Yeah. I'm sure. Defo emotional cheating. I found letters. Don't know about physical. He denies any cheating and will never own up. It's his character.

Sorry OP. I’d be pissed off in your position too. That sucks. It happened to me (we didn’t have kids but owned a house and were due to get married). She lasted 6 months with him because he was impossible to live with. Caused the breakup and then changed her mind when reality hit. Remember that he hasn’t had a personality transplant. He’s still the same. So if he was a twat and a know it all, he’ll still be those things. Maybe she’s got less backbone than you and let’s him do as he pleases. Regardless, you’re rid of him and you can now have peace of mind. The best revenge is to be happy x

And what really pisses me off is that he pays nothing for the kids even though they are with me 70% of the time. I pay for all their clothes, music lessons, everything. I am subsidizing their house purchase. Tomorrow I will be making calls and moving ahead with formal child support.

That's definitely the least he should be providing. I'd get in very quick, even with CSA if needs be, because once their mortgage is arranged their outgoings will be different. Mine pays me a fair whack for the 11/14 days I have them and it does at least mean I can manage things financially and don't feel resentful on that.

Is she definitely buying the house with him, or is she just living there? I'm surprised he'd rush straight into buying a house with someone he's only been with two years, when he's just gone through the whole hassle of selling one. A few comments about his "brave decision" might be appropriate :)

Well done OP, CMS (or whatever they are called now) is your next port of call. If he can afford a mortgage then he should be paying for his dc.

As for feeling hurt, of course you will, you were hurt and betrayed by the one person who was supposed to have your back. But as someone said above, he’s not had a personality transplant and will still be the same asshat with her, that he was with you

OP

You mention having sold the marital home but not yet being divorced and without formal child support in place. So it is not clear if you have financial settlement agreed. Will this be part of the divorce settlement or is it already in place ?

It might be worth thinking through the impact on your negotiations and final settlement of what he is doing and what you intend to do. Maybe speak to your solicitor about what it all means for you first.