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Original poster

New relationship and having the ‘baby talk’

15 replies

Firstmom264 · 21/10/2018 22:20

Hi everyone.. I’m not looking for any judgement.. just adviceSmile
So, I’ve recently got into a new relationship. I’ve got a 3 year old boy and and he doesn’t have any children himself.
I’ve always said that I wouldn’t have any more children until my little boy was around 7/8 and I plan on sticking to that but members of my family and friends have said that it’s too long to wait. Is that true? I was only with my sons dad for 6 months before getting pregnant when I was 17 and I just wouldn’t want to rush into it again. Would just like to hear some of your stories...
How long after getting in a new relationship did you have another baby? Did you Fall pregnant soon after or did you wait a while?
Thanks

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/10/2018 22:22

How new is "new" and what does the "new" partner think of becoming a parent?

AnyFucker · 21/10/2018 22:24

Rereading your op confirms that your new partner's opinion seems entirely irrelevant to you here

Why is that ?

BertrandRussell · 21/10/2018 22:26

You do know that you can have a relationship without having a baby? You shouldn’t even be thinking about having a baby at this stage.

RatBabies · 21/10/2018 22:31

Waiting 3-4 years before you have a child with someone is sensible surely

Why would it be too long? Your only 20 so it's not as if time is against you.

Flutternotsoshy · 21/10/2018 22:38

From the other side of this... There's a 7.5yr gap between me and my younger brother.

There was too big an age gap for us to "play" together, and our parents are relatively old (had issues conceiving), and didn't have the energy to deal with both of us at once, so tbh we weren't close as kids.

However we get on well now that we're both adults. So it all worked out ok there.

Honestly in a new relationship I wouldn't be thinking about kids for a long while. It takes time to build a proper understanding of the other person and to have the trust to want to dive into something like that.
Kids are more permanent than marriage, so the other person will be a part of your life forever.

You're young. Have fun together and see how it goes. No need to make any decisions just yet.

twattymctwatterson · 21/10/2018 22:41

So you are only 20-21? I'd imagine if you try to have the baby chat he'll run for the hills

Original poster
Firstmom264 · 21/10/2018 22:46

It wasn’t a serious talk by any means. He asked if I would like more children and I replied yes but not for a while.. he agreed somewhat and it just got me thinking about it

OP posts:
ChintzTeapot · 21/10/2018 22:49

I agree that at least 3 years is a sensible wait. Especially at your age.

I do think it's a good idea to talk about kids at the beginning of a relationship though.

Obviously you don't need to start picking names or whatever but if one of you wants none and the other is desperate for a football team then it's going to cause problems somewhere down the line and it's probably better to get it out of the way at the beginning.

Original poster
Firstmom264 · 21/10/2018 22:53

I’ve known him for around 5 years now so it’s not like we’re complete strangers.. he said that one day he’d love children and so would I but fertility problems and other heath conditions might not allow that to happen so easily. Not going to lie, the thought of pregnancy or losing another pregnancy scares the life out of me. It wasn’t a serious conversation we had at all. It was simply just asking questions

OP posts:
Original poster
Firstmom264 · 21/10/2018 22:54

I’m not thinking about having another baby. My fertility and other health problems probably wouldn’t allow it anyway. But I’m an adult, so is he and I just wanted to hear his views and other peoples

OP posts:
Original poster
Firstmom264 · 21/10/2018 22:58

The only reason we had the ‘baby talk’ is to just see what each other thought.. I’d love more children but I’ve got fertility and health problems that might not allow that to be so easySad and I just wanted him to be aware of that so it didn’t cause problems later on down the line. He was very understanding though and I’ve got no interest in having/trying for a baby any time soon

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/10/2018 23:01

You certainly are "thinking about having another baby"

Hence this thread

Armchairanarchist · 21/10/2018 23:02

DH and I had DS1 really quickly. I was very young at 24 and soon realised it. We had DS2 when I was 32 so your waiting 6/7 years is still young.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 21/10/2018 23:13

AnyFucker

There is no need to be so nasty - OP is asking for advice and thinking about the future, not with a view to doing anything soon (as she has very clearly said!). That’s quite understandable, especially given she may have fertility problems.

OP, when in a new relationship I’ve always had a casual “so, would you like children one day?” conversation at some point - it usually comes up naturally, and obviously you want to make sure you want the same things in life. You’re still very young and so I think it makes perfect sense that you would want to wait a while longer before having any more children. Don’t worry about what your family and friends say, you have to do what’s right for you and your DS - and if the relationship progresses well, then in a few years you can maybe think about it if that’s what you both want. Early days yet Smile

Original poster
Firstmom264 · 21/10/2018 23:33

I’ve said in other comments.. I’d love more children. But not yet.

OP posts:
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