Hi Everyone,
I am finding it all very difficult right now. I was in a relationship with someone for 4years, 3 years then we split for 9 months then got back together for 8months.
The first 3 years were a mixture of bliss and torture. Ex partner is an alcoholic however it was only confirmed when we split first - I always knew he had an issue, found empties in bizarre places, would be home late from work etc. Arguments would consist of both verbal and physical abuse - hurtful names and violence consisting of dragging me round the house by my hair, hands around my throat, hurting himself and saying it was me - lots more. However, i've never been more in love with someone either - he is only this person when he has had a drink.
We got back after 9 months split - he recognised he had a problem and starting a detox plan through professional support. I supported him through a medicated detox and he didn't touch a drop for 8 months and we were amazing - getting on amazingly well.
Until one day, he woke up in a foul mood, started an argument with me over something so small and that was it - got drunk and started abusing me again - I ran to my families (2 doors down) and the police were called. Fast forward to now and there has just been a court case in which he was ordered to pay me compensation and a restraining order for a year.
Seeing him for the first time in months really brought out all my emotions, and not the right ones. All i wanted to do and still do is run to him, I don't know why i love him so much? i am devastated he couldn't stay sober. Am i feeling this because I know its the end and there is no going back? Am I panicking because i will never speak too or see him again?
I sat and sobbed so much last night, looking back over sentimental cards and pictures and I feel like i'm never going to have that connection with anyone again :(