I'll try not to be long.
Married 2 years, together 6. lovely husband, unfortunately he's lied over the years regarding money. Too many times. I've also bailed him out of a HUGE financial problem a few years ago.
His 2 sons live with us since their mother was deemed incapable by SS. she has not once asked to have them back.
I have one 15yo dd at home and older dd started uni this year.
His kids are sullen and rude and dh is completely Disney. They're fine, no behaviour probs but due to their non talking I feel like a stranger in my own home sometimes and yes for years I've tried to engage them in conversation, include them, taken them on holiday etc.
Dh could start proceedings to sell his old house but doesn't want to argue with ex - receives no maintenance, kids have been with us over a year. If he did this he could repay me the money i bailed him out with but this isn't my priority, i gave him that out of love and i don't regret it.
Awful year, have had two close bereavements that have affected us deeply. Me more as both my friends before dh came along.
Before dh I had planned to down size house once older child moved to uni. I hanker after a smaller house and I think I could be mortgage free by doing so.
Dh and I barely talk. There's just no effort there, we plod along, perfectly good company for each other but that's it. No sex for months and I'm not remotely interested.
I don't crave passion or another man but resentment of our situation is gripping me.
I don't know if I love him, He's a decent man, hard working but lies about money.
I've found a credit card bill that is just growing and I can see that he'll end up drowning again and I can't go through it again.
He doesn't talk about these issues just tells me he'll definitely start dealing with stuff then goes quiet and nothing happens.
Plus points- we get on well and enjoy the same kind of things recreationally and socially.
I'm waffling not drip feeding so if I think of more I'll add.
I'm considering the fact that we need to separate, even saying that to him he says we'll talk later.
I feel trapped. But is this normal ups and downs of life? He's lovely, loves me, would never treat me badly... except I think this financial lying is treating me badly!!
I'm so confused about whether I want to end our relationship - there's no fantasy life in my mind, other than financial security for me and my kids. Not too much to ask for but I feel at risk with my husband. I feel like my mental health has taken such a battering this year that I might not be thinking straight at all. With the deaths, the lies and eldest child moving far away I just feel completely messed up!
Anyone been through anything like this?? I'm 40 next year, this isn't how I saw my 40s starting.