Hello Mumsnet. 60 y.o. lurker (up to now) here, so 1st post. And apologies that it is so long. There is a TL/DR down there.
I'm a dad and a grandad, an ex-husband and most important in this context, a son. I am NOT looking for suggestions about a diagnosis here, that's up to the medics. I just don't know how to deal with my mother any more. I live a few hours away and visit monthly over a weekend.
My mother was 80 this year and earlier in the year I witnessed an odd event. We were in my car, and she had a peculiar, brief, memory lapse. It was late morning and she said, out of the blue, that she couldn't remember if we had had breakfast. There were a couple of other odd things too but I didn't think anything more of it at the time, until the following morning when there was another similar event over breakfast. Having thought about this I asked her to see her GP. She agreed to reluctantly and was referred to what she called 'an old person's doctor'. Yes. She was ticked off and in denial. She is utterly independent, fit, mentally sharp etc. I really have no worries about her health except for this.
Some months on, the medics have started a treatment but this weekend, I witnessed two more of these odd events, so, knowing that she had an appointment coming up with the Old Person's Doctor, I first asked her what she was going to tell her and then tried to tell her as sensitively as I could that I had seen two more of these events (it just wasn't appropriate to tell her at the time).
She is in denial and always has another explanation. My car is too hot / noisy, I mumble, whatever. I've misunderstood. I've made it up. I shouldn't tell her because it's upset her. She can't understand what I'm getting out of telling her this stuff. And so on and so on. She wishes I had a brother or sister so that there was another witness (to prove I'm wrong). Oh boy, so do I!
It's been a bloody awful evening.
How can I deal with an 80 year old mother who is frightened of getting old (she locked herself in the toilets in town when the optician congratulated her on being old enough to get free check ups FGS!).
Perhaps I should say nothing and let it carry on. But that doesn't feel right.
TL/DR. Mum has memory lapses, in denial and gets hurt, frightened and angry if I tell her she has had another.