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Original poster

Negotiating Financial Settlement

13 replies

nomoremrsniceguy · 20/10/2018 22:41

Split up earlier this year, divorce proceedings underway, recently applied for decree nisi. Ex H has thus far been unwavering in his intention to take me to court for the financial settlement. I'm anxious to avoid court & would also prefer not to go to mediation because of the cost & time involved. I made him an offer by text earlier today, he's now started negotiating. Any tips from any wise women with experience would be most welcome.

OP posts:
hamburgers · 20/10/2018 22:57

Are you the higher earner then? Do you have children together?

I don't understand why you don't want to go down a more legal route with this?

GloomyMonday · 20/10/2018 23:01

No substitute for proper legal advice but for a best guess we'd need to know how many years you've been married, employment situation, number and age of children, assets.

FishesThatFly · 20/10/2018 23:05

Need to also know pension ceva

Happyinheels · 20/10/2018 23:05

Have you got children? Do you have shared care of any such children? Are you staying in the marital home?
Are you the person with the most assets? Have you any debt?
What about pensions?

Work out all assets, including equity in any property, pensions etc. Work out any debt including mortgage, loans etc. Subtract from assets and then you have an idea of what you're playing with.

FishesThatFly · 20/10/2018 23:06

Cetv...not ceva

notapizzaeater · 21/10/2018 00:27

Have you taken professional advice ?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/10/2018 09:13

What was the offer you made?

JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 21/10/2018 09:21

Luckily mine was mega easy when I divorced my previous husband. However if you have lots of money, pensions, property etc, you need to think of getting paid legal advice as an investment in your future. It will be a bitter pill to swallow but potentially you could end up with more.

Original poster
nomoremrsniceguy · 21/10/2018 09:41

I was looking more for negotiating tips than specifics/amounts. I am the high earner, he has nothing, although it sounds harsh having lived with him I beleive he has nothing because of the way he lives his life. I owned all the assets when we hot together and although he has contributed to the household he is now in a financial position of his own making. I don't want to go down the solicitors route because neither of us can afford to pay big legal costs. He is very bitter (in general not just towards me) and is in a difficult position- he has already not been able to pay anything towards child costs. I don't want a prolonged process, it won't help either of us.

OP posts:
Happyinheels · 21/10/2018 10:37

So, you point all those things out and make your offer. Decide your maximum offer to him. Then make the offer a bit lower than your maximum. This allows for 'negotiation.' Because he won't accept your first offer, out of principle.

LemonTT · 21/10/2018 10:54

You can make offers but they need to be realistic and based on what he is legally entitled to not what you think he should get.

To negotiate successfully you need to know the boundaries and limits of the negotiation for both parties. A successful negotiation will result in a fair win for both parties. It requires objectivity, expert knowledge and patience. Or at the very least, the appearance of these things.

If the value of the martial assets are material, he will get expert advice which he will probably be able to offset against the final settlement. He has indicated that this is how he intends to go about things. They will make sure he gets everything he is entitled to. Which will be about 50% of the net assets.

So from the start you are putting yourself at a disadvantage. Because it seems you are offering him what you think he should get without getting legal and qualified advice. Plus you made the first offer, showing your hand.

If you are determined not to get professional advice or to use mediation, at least check out wikivorce.

Original poster
nomoremrsniceguy · 21/10/2018 11:45

Thanks

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/10/2018 12:05

If the DC reside with you and do not spend many overnights with your Ex then you would expect that you would would be entitled to more than 50% of net assets.

Presumably you have way more future earnings potential which will go against you.

Also would you prefer a clean break (courts do) or to keep hold of the marital home until the youngest is 18/21 and he gets his share then. If you get the property values now it's a strange time with Bexit and falling house prices in many places.

It could be more advantageous to but him out now IF you can get realistic rather than aspirational valuations from several estate agents...

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