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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I report this man?

27 replies

PinkLady20 · 20/10/2018 21:36

Name changed for this. Was having a causal conversation today with a man I’ve spoken to on and off for a few months - he’s tried it on with me and I (politely) turned him down in the past, so it’s always been platonic which he seemed fine with, and we got along quite well. I wouldn’t say we were friends or close friends, just chat occasionally.

Today he brought the conversation into relationships and I said yes I was dating someone, and the conversation took a really sour tone - which quickly escalated into flat out abuse, and him telling me I’d be better off dead - he hopes I die as I would be doing everyone a favour - don’t deserve to be alive.. and how he has told everyone he knows about me and how evil I am.. Hmm it went on for paragraphs and ended with him telling me I deserve all of the awful things which will happen to me now Confused in total shock because we have only chatted casually and nothing deep or meaningful. I haven’t even mentioned him to any of my friends/family.

I obviously stopped replying and blocked him, but I’m not sure if I should report to a non emergency number as I’m a bit worried with how aggressive and angry he was (with nothing which even provoked it). Would that be an overreaction? He doesn’t know exactly where I live but knows whereabouts. Thanks in advance. Flowers

OP posts:
Minionmomma · 20/10/2018 21:47

I’d call the police. He sounds unhinged. That’s fucking scary.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 20/10/2018 22:04

Yes, definitely log it with the police.

whenlifegetshard · 20/10/2018 22:09

Yes report

Original poster
PinkLady20 · 20/10/2018 22:13

Thanks for responses - wanted to make sure I wasn’t over reacting as it has only been messages and nothing verbal or in person. I’ll report Flowers

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 20/10/2018 22:16

The police can do nothing. Block him.

Minionmomma · 20/10/2018 22:20

No, you go ahead and report to the police.

Paperdolly · 20/10/2018 23:06

Log with the police and then block him. 💐

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 23:21

no i wouldnt report it to the police. they wont do anything. he didnt threaten you he was just unpleasant and doesnt know where you live. weird to call the police imo.

eggncress · 20/10/2018 23:31

Yes report him to the police for sure. They may know of him but your piece of info could be part of a bigger jigsaw.
It will also help if someone else reports him for similar (or if he’s done it before )
Keep anything he’s written to you as evidence in case anything comes of it.
Do this then block him.

Rebecca36 · 21/10/2018 00:00

Do report him and avoid him. He's not rational. You were never his girlfriend, just someone with whom he was friendly and you're entitled to date whomever you choose. His reaction was seriously weird.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2018 04:50

Report him. The police should be able to determine if he's a previous offender. Even if they can't do anything, at least you know you've done all you can. Does this man know where you live, where you work?

penisbeakers · 21/10/2018 05:00

Yes fucking hell absolutely report him.

Paisleydad · 21/10/2018 06:01

Yes. Report him.

This is unlikely to be the first time he has done this and it won't be the last. He may already be known and if not, the 'inteligence' could be valuable in the future.

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 21/10/2018 06:05

I wouldn't report. He didn't threaten you so they won't do anything. Keep the messages, just in case he contacts you again. Block him. And just forget about it.

category12 · 21/10/2018 07:38

If you met him on a website, it'd be worth reporting him to them. I doubt it's a police matter unless he's threatened you.

Kaleela · 21/10/2018 07:46

At a minimum, keep the message as proof. If he continues the harrassment then you will have a 'papertrail' and then the police CAN do something. Here in Aus they tend to tell you to use the avenues available to you (blocking) and if that fails and it continues they can intervene

NotTheFordType · 21/10/2018 07:52

Jesus christ, the police arent going to give a shit.

(Ill be happy to be proved wrong)

niceupthedance · 21/10/2018 08:00

It's horrible but I wouldn't report it to the police, what are they going to do - tell him off?

AnotherMum76 · 21/10/2018 08:06

Report him. The police won't necessarily be able to do anything unless he has a history of this type of behaviour, you don't know that and as someone else had already said, your bit of information could be a missing piece of information about him. What if he is doing this to lots of women.
If he's not known to the police at least it's logged with them should he continue to behave like this or it escalates quickly.
You can ask for it to just be logged on their system, I'm sure you're not expecting them to come round to you with blue lights flashing !!

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 21/10/2018 08:27

Or the op could keep the message and show it to them, should his behaviour escalate, rather than phoning and using police time and resources to report a mean text message.

I doubt the police have files of information on him and are sitting waiting for one person to report a text before they can swoop in and arrest him too.

I know it isn't nice being in the receiving end of someone behaving like a twat ok, and I'm sorry that he behaved like that to you, you don't deserve it, but I don't think it needs reporting as it stand. Block and move on.

Everyone on MN is obsessed with logging stuff with the police.

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 12:05

Glad its not just me that cant see why you would report this, its such a non event. someone was nasty to you online? you cant report every unpleasent person. being rude isnt a crime. If i reported every rude person when i use to online date i would never be off the phone. block. delete. move on.

biscuitmillionaire · 21/10/2018 12:12

From what you've said it sounds borderline threatening, so for that reason I would report it, especially as you have it in writing. You don't say what app you were using to communicate?

It's more than just being 'nasty' if someone talks about you deserving all the bad things that are going to happen to you. Did he specify the bad things? Did he mean someone's going to beat you up, or that you just won't have a happy relationship?

AngelsSins · 21/10/2018 17:44

I think you’ve encountered a Nice Guy ™️ - entitled, weak, whiny and spoilt, and not all that nice. He probably assumes the guy you’re seeing is a dick, even if he doesn’t know him, so how dare you pick that over him, a Nice Guy.

Just block him, but keep the messages in case it continues.

OddJobBobAJobBob · 21/10/2018 18:08

I'd do a Claire's Law just in case. I did that before myself and thought I was probably wasting my time. Turns out I wasn't - he'd only just received a lifetime restraining order from his ex.

LikeIcare · 21/10/2018 18:12

Claires law is for partners who may be at risk. It doesn't mean everyone can request personal information on every man.

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