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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being Naive?

11 replies

Elmik11 · 20/10/2018 15:13

So to begin with I've been with my OH for 20 years we have 2 teenage children and other than usual relationship groans we are happy. About a year ago a new guy started working in my office and we hit it off straight away as friends we have a lot in common we are both gym fanatics so we share tips and stories about that plus his children are similar ages to mine and he's been married for 15 years and appears to be happily married. We just get on have great banter and have similar backgrounds.
Anyway we have become great work friends, as I don't drive he regularly offers me lifts home which I accept, we both meal prep and share food alot. No lines have ever been crossed, we have each other's numbers but have never used them, when we are alone nothing innapropriate is ever said if anything he asks for my advice on gifts for his wife and we share stories on the latest shenanigans our teenagers have been upto. Anyway my best friend who also works in the office has recently asked me out right if we are having an affair and when i told her 100% we are not she is now convinced he has a motive and I am being Naive into thinking he doesn't want more. She claims to have seen looks he gives me and has pointed out some "jokes" he's made recently, e.g. he called me his "work wife" as I was nagging him and then last week we was going out at lunch to pick up some food and he made a comment that we was "going on a date". She also continues to say his wife wouldn't be comfortable with our friendship.
Anyway until my friend highlighted this to me I felt perfectly comfortable with my friendship but now I'm worried have I crossed a line without realising? Am I being Naive into thinking that a man and woman can just be friends?

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 20/10/2018 15:17

why don't you share these activities with your OH of 20 years ?

NickyNora · 20/10/2018 15:19

Do you discuss all this with your DH?

Elmik11 · 20/10/2018 15:21

Me and my OH train together in the gym and have a great life together. This friendship is in the office at work me and OH dont work together

OP posts:
Elmik11 · 20/10/2018 15:23

Yeah I always spoke about this friendship in a way i would talk about all my friends with my OH. He knows about the lifts home etc until recently I wasn't worried about it being inappropriate

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/10/2018 15:26

I think your friend is a bit odd. The fact he makes these jokes openly would indicate he's not into you and sees this as you do.

abbsisspartacus · 20/10/2018 15:28

I'm a heterosexual woman and ive been a work wife and work mom to women and men

Johnnyfinland · 20/10/2018 15:28

Sounds fine to me. Of course men and women can be friends. Doesn’t sound like either of you are hiding anything from your partners. I can’t bear this attitude that a friendship between opposite sexes must mean someone has an ulterior motive

Reindeerpajamas · 20/10/2018 15:34

Lots of people don't believe in platonic relationships, I do. I had a fabulous male work husband, whose wife referred jokingly to me as 'the other woman '. Everyone at work thought we were having an affair, we weren't, so we chose to ignore them (though did occasionally ham it up for our own amusement). You know what's going on, so don't worry about what other people say. (The ones at our workplace who were most convinced we were having an affair were judging us by their standards).

Elmik11 · 20/10/2018 15:36

The only thing I'm now hiding from my OH is the concerns my friend has on whether it's appropriate as I don't want my OH to be worried for no reason.

OP posts:
justmetwice · 20/10/2018 15:42

I had a work husband in a previous job. We had lunch together, he gave me lifts etc. He and his wife are now great friends of ours and we are even god parents to their son. As long as you don't hide the friendship that is not a problem. My husband also had a work wife... When she baked cakes she always sent a piece for me - not going complain. He has now left the job but we sometimes meet as couples

Elmik11 · 20/10/2018 16:01

Thanks everyone you've made me feel better. I find it crazy that in 2018 a man and woman can't just be friends in some people's eyes. I'm just going to block out the noise and continue with building a friendship. I might suggest a double date night, him and his wife me and my OH just to be clear there's no concerns from his wife's end. Would hate to think his wife might be worried. Thanks again

OP posts:
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