My husband left me a year ago, He had a breakdown, and was then diagnosed with depression, For me it came out of nowhere because I had no idea he was ill until the breakdown, he told me this is not my fault because he was wearing a fake smile to seem happy. He told me he needs to go through all this alone, and pushed me away, he has also pushed friends, workmates and family away. He feels he does not deserve a relationship, he hates himself, thinks he is not good enough for me, sees no future for himself or us. He is on anti depressants and goes to see a councellor once a week.
Before the depression he was a loving, affectionate, easy going man who always had a huge smile on his face, who would talk to me for hours about everything and nothing, he always made me feel loved and wanted, and he never once raised his voice to me in 20 years. Now its like the light in his eyes has been turned off, he is snappy, irritable, and started raising his voice to me in anger when I tried to talk to him before I left, I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to stay to support him through all this but he wouldn't let me, started saying really hurtful things to get me to leave him.
After not seeing each other for four months and only having light contact online we agreed to meet up so we could talk everything through. He ended up telling me that he was always happy with me, and if he hadn't got the depression he still would be, but now he is dead inside, not just about me but eveything, no joy, happiness, he feels nothing for anything or anyone. He says he now finds it difficult to talk to me and open up to me but doesn't know why as he never had problems talking to me before all this. He told me we can now never work out because this will always be there in the background, the way he left me, the depression, he does not see how we could ever move on from it and be happy again. I have tried to tell him every couple has problems or hard times sometimes and they work through them and this is no different.
On top of all this he has lost two stone as he can't eat, he is lucky to get an hours sleep each night, either he can't sleep or is forever waking up every half hour, his hands constantly shake due to his meds, his heart races out of his chest, it has been so hard watching him slip away in front of me and I can't do a thing to help him.
From my side I love him, I just want my Husband back, I miss him, Just feeling lost at the moment and feel so helpless. I am so lonely but don't want anyone else, I know that probably sounds strange to some people but for me everything was fine, we were happy, I had no reason to think we were going to split up, life changed in the blink of an eye, everything was normal, and then it wasn't.
Do I give him more time or do I need to walk away? Anyone else have a depressed partner who pushed people away?