Rant

[auraaura]

My mil is hard work rant.

When I feed dc at her house she'll take the spoon out of my hand and feed in a more animated way.

When I said they were easy dc she said to them "mum probably just plonks you in front of the telly doesn't she?!" I couldn't possibly be coping well without her.

One day a week she looks after dc - which I was reluctant to do at first but in the end because she(!) was hard work I needed the help!

She is fake. To my face she'll ask if it's ok to do this and that; then it will slip out that - she had already given them yogurt (when I said we were going to start weaning). She had to be first and best. Also, that she had already given them chocolate buttons when I joked that my dh had bought "them" chocolate - meaning chocolate for me.

A little bit of chocolate doesn't hurt but it wasn't the point. It was just she wanted to be first and she hadn't asked! It's not usual food! Oh yes we gave them chocolate first. Oh yes we know they were ready for weaning we've given them yogurt. 

Why are you going to her house at all?. She regards this as her territory and I would argue she is not an ideal person at all to be doing childcare once a week. Some relatives are really not nice nor emotionally safe to be around. She is really undermining you and your authority in your children's presence and that is damaging.

Where is your husband in all this? What does he think of his mother's behaviours?. Is he really a mouse when it comes to his mother and cannot stand up for his own self let alone his family unit here?.

Because they are obsessed with their grandchildren and I shouldn't be denying access.

Read up on setting boundaries.
She not change.

You need to seriously put boundaries in place. Don’t let her do childcare. Is your partner on board with you?

Why shouldn’t you be denying access? That sounds like something someone’s told you. Just because she’s a grandparent doesn’t mean she gets access on her terms. They’re your children and she should respect that and also respect your boundaries. If she doesn’t, then she doesn’t get to have them for a day...and tell her why. Did you agree to her doing childcare because it was easier than her being denied? What is your oh’s view on how she is?

It is fine if I don't see them. Dc are well looked after. But she doesn't give a damn about me. Maybe I'm being childish.

She just does what she wants but asks me to my face if it's ok to do so. She smiles , nods and does whatever she wants but sometimes it slips out that she's done whatever she wants. I don't mind that she's given them a bit of chocolate. After all she raised my dh.

I just don't like her because she's fake and treats my dh like royalty. A week after my c section she threw dc changing mat on the floor and said you can change them. I don't think it was spiteful but she just doesn't think. She expects me to do everything for her though - remember birthdays, anniversaries etc. She'll text me to remind me and not dh. Like it's my job as a woman to do so! And go out to work of course because woman have to as well as do everything else (I don't agree).

My problem is with her not childcare or the way she is with my dc.

Let your partner take them.

Your update is awful.

Your husband should deal with his own mother. This limits her access to you and opportunity for conflict.

He will be from now on.

Yes true. I need to delete her from facebook messenger too. Always asking questions. My dh just ignores her but I cant. It stresses me. I just want less contact.

My dh is adopted I don't know if that has anything to do with it. She seems envious of me. She doesn't like talking about other people being pregnant either which I understand. I never rubbed anything in her face. But she's also stifling. I just want to be myself. And not feel like I need to dull my shine.

Get her a copy of wifework. Reading that should distract her for a while. She’s not a parent to your child so she doesn’t have a right to access. If she wants to see her gc let her arrange it with her son.