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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being snubbed?

7 replies

Houdini16 · 20/10/2018 06:41

I’ve been good friends with another mum Mrs X for over 2 years. We use to chat nearly every day on the phone, by text or even in the play ground and joke about how clicky and rude a group of other mums are. Another mum (Mrs Y) joined the school and we made friends with her so that she didn’t feel left out, all 3 of us would go out for meals without the kids, do coffee and chat on out what’s app group daily but she was a very outgoing person and after a while became part of the clicky rude group, although Mrs X and I still spoke to her she started to snub us a little bit and spend most of her time with them. Fast forward to after the summer holidays and it now looks like I am being forgotten! My close friend Mrs X doesn’t really speak to me anymore, she returns my texts but doesn’t go out of her way to text me or ring. There are endless excuses as to why we can’t meet up and now she is always with Mrs Y and the group. Once apon a time it was all 3 of us hanging out on play dates etc but I’ve recently found out that they have been meeting up without me and I have to admit it bloodly hurt my feelings. Our children are all friends and I don’t know what to say to them when they ask if their friends can come over as again they make silly excuses as to they can’t. I have asked them if I have done anything to affend them and the both said no! I feel like it’s me that’s back at school not my kids, this is starting to get me down as I thought we where all so close, Is it time to move on? Or still hang around in the background looking desperate for their friendship?

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 20/10/2018 10:27

I think this is one of those things where friendships just evolve and we gravitate towards those we identify with more....change is inevitable in friendships. I know its hard not to take it personally but I would say move forward.

AfterSchoolWorry · 20/10/2018 10:30

Yeah, you're being 'tolerated'. Don't bother with her any more. Move on.

LadyMargaretBeaufort · 20/10/2018 11:10

I had this exact thing. In my case my Mrs X courted me for yrs as she had no one else, she tried and tried and failed to get into the clique so I was better than nothing! Looks like Mrs Y did the same but when they both got in the group they left you as surplus to requirements. I would hazard a guess that you are a lovely person but in their eyes have nothing to offer them that they consider of benefit to them. ! That's what happened in my case. Took me a long time for the penny to drop especially as I was new to area so my boundaries were a bit skewed. I would accept it's happened and move on but don't show them how hurt you are. The feeling will pass and you will make other friends in time. They have used you, as I was , it's not a nice feeling but you will be ok. Their precious group will implode eventually and you will be left with your new genuine friend as I have been!

DogDayMorning · 20/10/2018 11:18

Goodness knows why grown adults behave like this OP, but yes you have been snubbed. I'm sorry, it sucks. You have to tell yourself it's their loss, keep your head held high and move on. I found being a mum of school age children almost as painful as being at school, for exactly this reason. But, just like at school, I eventually found my tribe - and I'm still with them 23 years later! You will too.

Cawfee · 20/10/2018 12:27

This exact same thing happened to me. I even provided my Mrs X with free childcare over summer hols so she could work. I then got wind that they were meeting up without me and I was told to not take it so “personally”. Well it hurt as we’d always done everything together and I was the one who introduced them both! I rarely speak to either of them anymore. I wouldn’t say I’ve moved on but I’m keeping myself busy and doing different things and definitely not providing anymore free childcare! Just expand your horizons. Stop inviting. Start inviting other new friends

Houdini16 · 22/10/2018 10:21

Thank you for your replies! Like many of you have have provided free childcare and gone out of my way to be there for my friend, not because I wanted any gratitude but because that’s what friends do! I think this is why I’m feeling very hurt, I don’t trust people easily and let my guard down with Mrs X, I’ve realised that I no longer have a propose for her.

OP posts:
LadyMargaretBeaufort · 22/10/2018 13:28

Good for you op. If your children ask about their friends coming around,be honest. I was and my DC's were fine. I've realised that I have inadvertently taught my DC's a valuable lesson about boundaries and respect in friendships. They have now reevaluated some of theirs at sch. Winner!

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