I know things that should bother me

[onemoresmartie]

Basically went through my partners phone and snapchats from quite some time ago when we weren't technically together and it's quite graphic stuff like sexting to a girl he swears blinds was only ever friends with her...I always knew they had slept together but now I know it for a fact and he still Denies it to the grave!
She said in one of the messages I haven't banged anyone since you

Now the thing that I don't understand is that have you ever overlooked something when you know if it was happening to a friend you would advise to run a mile! Why can't I take my own advice or even when it comes to this man in particular it would seem he cannot do ANYTHING to make me walk away

Over
The years there has been so many lies, talking inappropriately to other women, deceitful ness and I know if anyone else treated me like that I would tell them to do one but I just can't seem to do it with him.

I just don't understand the hold he has and I almost wonder what would he have to do for me to finally end it...I question my own sanity sometimes or even my self worth because I tolerate such bull shit behaviour when all my friends and family say I deserve better

Hi Op, sorry you're having such a tough time.

What would you need to go no contact and get this loser out of your life forever?

That's what worries me...it's like he can do nothing wrong but my gut knows it's going to end and it's not if it's when
I'm just biding time really but I can't explain why it's only him I allow to mistreat me

You're addicted to him - he's as bad for you as heroin. You know that an addict has to cut all contact with a drug and with people surrounding it. You have to do the same with this twat man.

I think it’s a complex combination of things but they basically amount to low self worth and that’s why you put up with it. Stuff like you describe chips and eats away at you, makes you doubt yourself that little bit more every time it happens, until you end up so low you don’t have the strength to leave.

That said, everyone has a limit, one day it will be one thing too many and you will find your anger, it’s amazing the strength we find when we’re angry! You can speed the process up by quietly starting to build your self worth back up, it’s easier to find your anger when you feel better about yourself because you start to realise you deserve better.

Small things will help more than you think so have a think about what makes you feel good and start doing it, reclaim your life a bit so he’s not your main focus. You’re probably not ready to believe this yet but you do deserve better than this

I wish I had the strength to walk away but yes I suppose it is similar to a drug addict
I know I'm wasting time with him and I envy other couples my work colleagues, friends relationships all seem so easy and normal
Mine is a constant fight but one I can't seem to let go of

You sound quite young.
Figure out what you want in a relationship.
If he can't give you that then move on.
Life is too short.
I was 29 before I met dh.