Used

[justamum1234]

Ok so AIBU. My husband has tickets for boxing. Booked a table. I didn't really want to go so told him to go himself. He can e back with things like, 'but we never go out. It will be just the 2 of us. I'll book us a hotel for the night'. Now he's invited all his new work buddies and tells me it's only for men now and I'm uninvited.
I'm so angry and now feel used because he had no one to go with in the first place. Strings me a line then drops me now he has 'mates'. He says I'm being unreasonable and plans change. My mum thinks I'm bing petty. Me and the kids stayed with her last night.
What do you think.

Well you didn't want to go in the first place and told him to go himself, so he invited his new work friends what's the big deal you weren't wanting to go and he probably wanted to have company while there

You told him you didn't want to go, so he found some friends to go with who did. Sounds reasonable to me. Maybe he wouldn't even have asked them in the first place if you hadn't made it clear you didn't want to go?

You can't say you don't want to do something, and then be angry when you don't have to do it after all. That's unreasonable.

I don't understand what the problem is here.

It comes across as if you didn't want to go and now you're upset because he went with his mates.

Would you really rather he went on his tod?

Sorry, you told him you didn't want to go and made it very clear? Even if you said you would go in the end, he probably would rather go with people who wanted to and who he would have fun with.

No I didn't want to go at first then he made it sound nice by saying it's just the 2 of us. I'll book a hotel room and made a big deal about it being about just the 2 of us like it would be special.

You told him you didn't want to go I would have done the same if I had tried to make plans with dh and he said that or I had to try and convince him.
Let him go and have fun with his mates.

Did you tell him you wanted to go once he’s daid about the table, hotel etc?

Stop playing mind games

Why do you care, you didn't want to go anyway and told him to go by himself originally

Why did you say you didn't want to go when you actually did? Sounds so frustrating

There's a part missing from your story, what happened here:

HIM: Shall we go to the boxing, I have booked a table.
YOU: No, I don't want to, go by yourself
HIM: I will make it special and book a hotel for us.

HIM: I am going with my work mates.

Did you enthusiastically agree when he said the hotel bit, did you sort of grudgingly agree and he thought he'd be better off finding people who actually wanted to go, or what?

I cannot fathom how you think you've been used, by not going to something you didn't want to go to.

You're sending him mixed messages. You told him you didn't want to go. He offered to make it special with a hotel room. Perhaps he thought you still weren't that bothered, hence drumming up the lads at work to go along too.

Leave him be, let him enjoy his night out, and talk about arranging a night in a hotel another time, without the need to watch a boxing match first.

YABU

Yes YABU

You're being very unreasonable. You told him to go on his own because you didn't want to, so now he's made alternative plans and you're having a tantrum? Okay then. 🙄

Did you actually take the kids to stay with your mum over this!? Good gods.

Well you made it clear you didn’t want to go, you told him to go alone so what has he actually done wrong?

You didn’t want to go So result you now don’t need to.........

Yes told him I wanted to go. To be clear I didn't want to go because I've work the same day and would be tired to travel there and back.

Good grief. Grow up.

I agree with your mum,you are being a bit petty. You weren’t bothered about going so he invited his friends instead.

You sound like a toddler having a temper tantrum.

You didn't want to go and it sounds like you wanted him to ditch his plans and you're now angry because you didn't get your way, and he went with someone else.

Shall we turn that around?

"I booked tickets for something but my husband whined and didn't want to go. I said it'd be nice because it would be the two of us. He was unenthusiastic but agreed, but to save him doing something he very obviously didn't want to I arranged to go with some colleagues because I did want to go and didn't want to waste the two tickets I'd already bought. He was so angry about what I'd done he went to stay with his mother and tells me he feels used."

It sounds crackers.

And manipulative.

YABU
Go home. Apologise and suck it up.
I’m the 1st to tell someone if their DH is a Bar Steward but not this time. You can’t throw a hissy fit over something you didn’t even really want to go to. You’re being high maintenance. Off your horse you should get.