Bit of background, DP and Bil fell out over something fairly small but the undercurrent is they have a different outlook on life with regards to money, parenting, social life etc etc. BiL is and always has been very vocal and opinionated about how we live our lives . However, 99% of the time, it doesn't affect them in the slightest. It will be things like where we go on holiday, whether we buy a new car, which school we send our children to.
Our respective daughters are close friends which is tricky and our mother is local which is also another complication as she has been unwell and needs a lot of care.
Recently, sister asked if I could babysit but I am not around although dp is. She asked if I could ask him but I said he won't be receptive given the current situation and they will need to sort things put and apologise for the things they said. In a nutshell, the problem was he got cross with their daughter but it was something and nothing but bil and sister completely overreacted sayimg dn is not comfortable coming to ours. Dd has asked her as have I and she says it's untrue and concedes her parents can go ott.
For ref, dds are 12 and 14. I have a ds who's 9. Bil in particular has not bonded with ds and is v harsh with him calling him names in his earshot.
Apparently, we need to move on and stop living in the past. I argue it's a pattern and isn't in the past at all. I am finding this v stressful. Dp is incandescent with rage and has been for weeks