Lad needing help. What would you do?

[LondonLad]

Hi. I really need some advice. My long term partner (4 years) have split up. We’d always had an amazing relationship but there’s been a few hiccups along the way. Mainly around money, white lies and just wondering what the other is thinking. The good times far far outweigh the bad. But the bad are so intense. My ex overthinks a lot. She is always waiting for something to go wrong and when the thought hits her she doesn’t shake it. I suggested we go to couples counselling to deal with it but she declined. Last month she went back to her parents for a break. I gave her space. And after a week she called to say she had been texting a lad from work. Flirty. Promised nothing had happened. We had a row and she said she was sorry and she’s committed to us. So we agreed to try again. Move home. Start a new. Then a week later we had a stupid argument. I tried to be honest and open as we’d agreed but it just sparked up her old overthinking feelings. We rowed. We cried. We hugged. I tried everything to convince her we’d not given the new “us” a try. So she moved back to her mums again. She said she’d had enough and we were over. The day after I found out she met up with the guy from work. Went for something to eat, kissed him and slept in his bed. Although she says nothing happened I can’t be so sure. I’m furious that she’s given up on us. And the day after we “split” she was in someone else’s bed. I’ve had a week from hell. Crying. Upset. Gutted. Angry. All the emotions. I can’t eat or sleep. Because I love her. I love her more than anything. I just want her to want me. I’ve found an apartment and moving out and she’s going to her mums for a while. I can’t stop thinking about him and her. I’m seeing her on Saturday for the first time to get the house sorted before we move out. I’m excited to see her but I feel like a mug and I should be furious with her. What would you suggest. Do you think there’s anything to get us back? Should I even bother? Have some self respect and say goodbye? I said I’d never beg her. Being a man and that I need to have some backbone. But all I want to do is beg her to try again. I know she loves me I just don’t think she can be “in love” with me to do this. It might just be attention seeking or flattery or whatever. But I know we could have been so good given a longer chance. I know I sound feeble but I don’t know what to do for the best. Give up or keep trying to win her back?

Dont do the pick me dance. Let her come to you of she wants.

The ‘we could have been so good’ is your point of view. No one can ever assume or should ever assume their partner feels the same way.

I’m sorry this has happened to you, but please do not try and reconcile with her, she is clearly enjoying stringing two men along. I do not like saying this but she does not love you, to toy with someone’s emotions is cruel not an act of love.

Sort the house out by email or text and arrange to see your mates. Join a gym, sports team etc. The pain will fade.

She has had her head turned by someone else, is probably enjoying the thrill of something new, only time will tell whether she thinks she grass is actually greener.

You need to decide if you want to sit it out and wait for her to make a decision or get on with your life. The problems you were having before will still be there if you reconcile, and that means she could have her head turned again.

It's over, and sounds like that's a very good thing. Time to move on and find a functional relationship.

If she’s already starting to date other people then it is definitely over.

Do not pin your hopes of her coming back to you, you’ll be better off in the long term working to accept its over and looking forward to meeting some else.

Short term it’s shit, recommend making an effort to meet up with friends etc so you have less time to dwell on it.

You sound too good for her, ride the pain and eventually you'll find somebody that respects you.

There is a technique called the 180 look it up and get doing it. You need to build up your resilience and self-confidence. Then, if she does want to come back to you you will be in control of yourself to make a good decision about whther that is right for you if you want.

Also I find it highly unlikely that she hasn't had sex with him so please make sure she is tested before you do anything if you get back together.

It's shit op, just been through it. It's hard but would you really be able to trust her if she did come back? I still love my fiance that did this but it would never be the same and I'd never know if he would do it again.

Focus on yourself and talk to family, friends, or vent on here. Pm if you need as our situations are really similar. I couldn't eat or sleep for about a month, it was horrible.

Never be second best OP. You don't deserve that, and she doesn't deserve you.

OP this sounds horrible, she moved on so quickly she clearly has checked out of your relationship, do you really want to be with someone who has treated you like this and made you feel this way? It’s time to move on, put it all behind you. She wasn’t the one for you. I hope you feel better soon.