Hello, I'm going to apologise now as I may go on!
I'm 44, my husband is 50. Been married 10yrs, got DS and DD, 6 & 8. We've had issues for years and in hindsight didn't get married for the right reasons (can't think of one really, I was panicking about getting on and not having children). We've been in seperate rooms for nearly 7 years, had 3 drunken shags in that timeframe (TBH, if anyone had walked past, they'd have done). He is never demonstrative, hasn't been interested in sex for more than 7 years and we live like lodgers. Saying that, we get on ok I guess. He never suggests going out together just us, and has basically made no effort. We had couples therapy 2 years ago after I said I wanted to face facts and go our seperate ways - he was heartbroken, but made no effort to change. He wouldn't face up to it and just ignored the issue. I tried to keep the peace, and was advised not to leave the hosue (couldn't afford to anyway). He did tell me if I wanted to go, I could f**k off.
Neither of us have any close family, our parents are either dead or mad (his mother thinks she is a gypsy and threatened to 'take me on' because i had the nerve to leave my family for a day to do a day course in London - she has also stirred the pot for years and been vile to me, including lying to me after we lost a baby, and were expecting the 2nd that her son was a cystic fibrosis carrier and i needed to go through tests, which i did. Turns out he isn't a carrier). Her outburst after I'd been to London was infront of my daughter. She kicked me out of our house, saying I wasn't my daughters mother, she was - I took my daughter to a friend's to get away from the situation - mother in law was pissed as usual. My husband hasn't spokento her since. I have tried to make him patch it up with her, but as with every issue, he just ignores it.
Sometimes I feel we should stick together for the sake of the kids, but I worry what sort of relationship example we are setting them. I feel lonely all the time, especially at night. I don't long for a life of swinging from the chandeliers, but just feel like I'm only here as he hates being on his own (whatever room he is in, he has to have the radio/TV on for noise, whereas I love the peace). I just want to be with someone who likes me I guess.
He also never opens any post, and 5 years ago his debts caught up with him, he never addressed it properly, and now, as such, he has a couple of CCJs. His response is, if I want it sorted, I can f*ing pay it (which I can't as I earn alot less than him). He has never seen why he should have to 'pay for me', and whilst I accept that, he's very cagey about money. We are selling our house to clear some debts and move to the school catchment area). I'm not sure I can face a life feeling this lonely, where I am just here to serve him dinner and be background noise, but I don't want to hurt him. We are looking to rent, and he won't pass any credit checks anyway.
I can't see us ever being a 'couple' again in any sense. Do we stick it out for the kids? My son is qute sensitive and really dwells on things - I worry about how he would cope. I'm also scared as we have no family for back up or support. I also know that I would be friendly and civil, and would want to maintain a secure environment for the kids, but he can be beyond awkward, and said once if we seperate he would not have anything to do with me as that's what divorced couple do. I won't elaborate, but he can be quite deliberately horrid.
I also worry about how I would cope ££ on my own, as he wouldn't give me anything (he told me that - and i wouldn't want to 'take him to the cleaners').
Any ideas, advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble, typing as fast as i can.
Thank you