Has anyone got back together after a marriage break up?

[Terfzilla]

ExH and I are thinking of trying again.

It's been about 2.5 years.

Break up was a case of boredom and mental illness issues.

We have seen the grass isn't always greener and a lot of the mh issues that were causing trouble have been resolved.

Anyone done this successfully?

My aunt and uncle did. They were married for 9 years with 3 children when they first divorced. My aunt left him because he was an alcoholic. Nine years later, and after he had been sober for over 8 years, they remarried and were together until he died 40 years later. My uncle loved to say how divorce "just didn't work out for them."

That's so sad but with such a nice ending.

I just miss him a lot and no one else gets me like he does.

I did. It didn't work. Doesn't mean it can't though.

I strongly believe you should go to couples counseling together before you decide to get remarried.

My parents did but in the end weren't a good match and divorced for good when I was about 7 years old.

My parents.
They separated when I was 24 and then moved back in together 12 years later.
They met in their first year at university. My mum instigated the split bit my Dad always adored her and never really wanted it.
I honestly think that after a period of time apart they realised their lives were so entwined they didn't want to be apart.
Three years after they split up they were spending virtually all their time together anyway, they became great friends again but the pressure of living together with all the mundane stuff was off and I think they realised they actually quite liked each other!
They lived separately (but together as a couple) for several years before moving back in with each other.
They seem to be getting in just fine these days.

Me! We got married, broke up a year later and now, 10 years later, we have just bought our first home and had our first baby!

We are so much better together the second time around.

Aquamarine1029 your post gave me such a laugh. Your uncle had a nice turn of phrase.

Well we are still best friends. We talk every day. We do things with the kids. We never really broke up in the sense we stopped contact.

We divorced but it never felt right.

I always wanted to sit with him. Hold his hand.

If I'm sad He's the first person I call. Same if I'm happy.

We do have issues but I don't think it's the sort that's unfixable.

My parents did. They were together for another 30 years-ish before my dad died. I don't think they ever really resolved the issues that caused them to split, which caused them both pain over the years, but I get the sense they were glad to be together mostly. I'd echo what another poster has said about trying counselling to really iron out any issues to give you the best chance of making it work and being happy together. For your sake and importantly, the sake of your children.

That sounds like sound advice.

Thank you

Were there other people involved in the break up? Are there other partners on the scene now?

I did OP, it was fucking hard work, it wasn't pretty, it involved lots of airing feelings that had been hidden. But five years later,(yes, five years!) i am so happy we did it, I am happy knowing we are both on the same page when we were not at the time. We have a better understanding of each others needs and genuinely like each other now. It took ages though, if you are looking for a quick fix I don't think that works.Time, forgiveness,honesty,and appreciation for each other, that's what makes it work .

I don't expect a quick fix.

We're not even talking about it happening now. But in the future.

We need to work on ourselves still for a while.

Then move onto us.

My parents, over a quarter of a century ago. Their roles in the relationship had to change but now they have each other's backs, at least. Some of the same frustrations are there but not to the same extent.

It's nice to hear it is indeed possible. Thank you

My brother in laws parents. They were divorced for ten years then got remarried. It's worked out for them.

Life is too short to wonder OP. You still clearly love and care for each other. If it is what you both want, you can make it work. Good luck to you both, I hope you have a happy life together.

My best friend did.

She and her husband got divorced because of various problems in their marriage. She moved away for nearly five years, had two relationships during that time (don't know about him). Then her Dad died and she moved back to the area and they have now been back together again for over five years, far happier than they were before.

Mental health issues may resurface - make absolutely sure that they really are willing to get help and that they acknowledge the effects on others.

It's actually my mental health. But I've improved a lot in the time we've been apart.

Yes
Seen it.
People can gain perspective and wisdom
It can be better second time round.
Go for it.

It's easy to forget the problems and wear rose tinted glasses when you've been apart a while.

My parents in law did - divorced after about 24 years married. Got back together again about 7 years later, remarried, and are still together now another 20+ years later, apparently much happier than first time round.