Can someone keep me company please?

[Captainmomtotherescue]

I feel really low and lonely. I'm being selfish just talking about myself. I just don't want to feel this way, is anyone awake? How do I stop being selfish? My partner says I am. Well, he said that I don't ever think of anyone else, that I talk to people like cunts and it's always about me. I feel like such a burden.

Apologies if that offends anyone, I promise I don't mean to. 😭

Sorry you are feeling so low. I find mindfulness really helped me. Great app called Heads pace check it out. Your dh has no right to speak to you like that x

I think he was just being honest, I trust him so it's gotta be right. I'll have a look, thankyou x

I'm awake.

So what's going on?

Can you give us some examples of things you do/say which he thinks are selfish/cuntish OP? Difficult to know whether he’s right without more detail but even if he is it doesn’t sound like he’s very kind to you. Happy to keep you company anyhow and I’m sorry you’re feeling crappy tonight

What examples does he give to back this up?

Do you think you’re being selfish?

Sorry you are feeling this way

Reflect on yourself ... is he being truthful or hurtful?

I try so hard in my life not to be selfish.. He just said that I don't listen to him, I don't understand how he feels and all variants of this. I asked for examples, that's what he said. I have cut him off when we're in an argument/row but not often as I hate it when he does it to me. I have tried to understand - I ask questions to clarify certain things. He hates when I ask too many questions. Some things stem from his childhood - it was very awful - I didn't have any of those issues but bullying throughout school. My parents are supportive. I don't see where I've gone wrong, but I believe him. My head is all fuzzy and I just don't know how to deal with it. I've downloaded headspace but I can't focus.

I feel like I'm rambling.. sorry :(

It could be truth.. I've been told it before.. but it might not be because I don't speak to any of those people anymore as they were toxic/abusive relationships.. so I haven't got the foggiest

More likely he's a gaslighting abuser... Or on his way there. Sounds like you might be coming out of being under his spell and starting to question. Not prioritising him over all else and not being telepathically able to guess what he wants, especially when he changes his mind all the time , are NOT signs you are selfish.
Of course I'm a random on the internet having a guess...

What do you normally argue about? Is it really that you're selfish or is it just that you won't do what he says/wants?

I find that people will often tell you you're selfish at the point you stop pandering to them. It makes them angry when they think they can no longer manipulate you into constantly putting their needs Fbedore your own.

The fuzzy head you describe goes hand in hand with someone constantly gaslighting you.

*before

Normally it's me who starts it. I try and talk nicely, calmly, about something that's bothering me. Then it escalates and he ends up going for a walk or trying to but can't bring himself to go very far? He can be quite mean. We both suffer from anxiety and depression. Sorry if I'm only giving half a story, I don't quite know what to include x

I have been equally as mean in the past - but not for a long while, I don't think anyway. I'm questioning all my behaviour. Oh, due to said anxieties, he's an insomniac and I'm also having sleep issue. I've Been to the docs, they think it's stress. We're dealing with loads of personal and some confidential stuff at the moment so can't say much

Sorry again forgot to add - he's said that my cuntish behaviour is the way i speak to people when I'm down/angry/tired

Agree with cordelia. He's seriously abusive and your head will only clear when you leave him. 

Sounds like he's twisting the story to gaslight you. Took me years to see the light and I'm not free yet so I understand how you are feeling. Get some good counselling for just yourself and read Why does he do that. Hope you feel better soon

He's manipulating you I'm afraid. Making you feel bad for things hes probably doing. How long have you been together. Do yo7 have any kids ?

It might be a good idea to take a break from each other and concentrate on your mental health issues individually. It's difficult to tell what's going on in the relationship, but it sounds like a bit of space from it would do you good.

My head is all fuzzy and I just don't know how to deal with it
This is the typical aftermath of being abused.
Sorry OP, but I think he's done a right number on you.
This relationship is not good for you or for your mental health.
Please end it and work on yourself.
Womens Aid, Freedom Programme will help you a lot.
You mention a few abusive relationships and you seem to be in another one.
WA can also help you find local support services as I believe counselling would be really beneficial as well.
For now, just get away from him and get some love and support.
Work on you. Find out who you really are.
Then you can move forward.
Sorry, but he sounds horribly abusive.

Thankyou for all the replies. I will have to reply properly later as my phone keeps sending mumsnet black.