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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partners new 'good friend'

25 replies

Ellieriley1 · 17/10/2018 23:35

Right before i start please bear in mind i am one of the paranoid jealous types, sometimes with good reason and sometimes without.
So... my partner left. We needed a break and he got a tenancy with his friend. We are now back together but living seperatley for the next six months atleast.
So my partner and lets call him 'dave' live in this flat. Dave has a new girlfriend (of about 3/4 weeks) lets call her sandra. Dave is my partners absolute best friend. I dont like dave 😂. Sandra practically lives there. Dave works all day, partner doesnt work die to mental health, sandra doesnt work due to being pregnant (dont ask). So basically partner and sandra spend more time together than dave and sandra do. Everytine i speak to partner he brings sandra up out if nowhere. Example dave was being innapropriate to sandra right infront of me so i had to tell dave he was being a dick and disrespectful to sandra and me i suppose! Example i told dave we are back together told him everything, then next day i told sandra about it. Sandra told me that she asked dave 'what do you think to them getting back together' to which dave replied 'i dont fucking know he talks to you more than he talks to me'. Example dave gets mardy because sandra sat next to partner at dinner table, dave didnt like sandra sitting next to his buddy. Example sandra cant sleep so leaves daves bed and goes to the living room and watches late night tv with partner. Partner keeps telling me how much of an issue dave has with sandra and partner being friends. I tell partner im not suprised im not exactly comfortable with how much you go on about her. Partner says shes just a good friend. Partners last 'good friend' was another friends girlfriend. Partner flirted with her, met her in secret and then tried to run off with her whilst i was carrying his baby, luckily this good friend only saw him as a good friend and told her partner and they told me (showed me screenshots) anre me and dave being silly in thinkibg this is abit much? Dave doesnt know about the friend before and already has a problem. I didnt have a problem until our one phone call a day today consisted of sandra said this, sandra told me that, i stuck up for sandra when dave was being a dick, sandra thinks this, sandra comes and sits with me at night and we chill all day when dave is at work. Sandras having a bad time because xyz. Am i right in thinking that sandra should maybe focus on her own relationship and problems in kife instead of turning to partner for support or am i being a mega jealous you know what? Also please note that partner would go balisitc if i were in his situation and sandra was a man!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2018 23:41

Just end it permanently already. You'll be much better off.

redastherose · 17/10/2018 23:41

Sorry OP but you need a new partner and leave the current one to crack on and do whatever he's got to with Sandra. It's not so much the spending time with your flat mates partner it's the fact that he is constantly bringing it up (smacks of rubbing your nose in it after what you said he'd done previously). Please see that you don't need to hang around waiting for this tosser to grow up and treat you the way you want to be treated. He doesn't work, spends all his time with another woman, tell you all the time about her and has previously tried to cheat on you. You. Deserve. Better.

youbrokemytwatometer · 18/10/2018 00:06

Sandra has been with Dave 3/4 weeks, is pregnant to someone else, and is already practically living with Dave and his mate?!

Wow. I'd get the hell out of it and let them crack on. Boundaries are not their thing!

youbrokemytwatometer · 18/10/2018 00:08

And that's before considering your "partners" history

Singlenotsingle · 18/10/2018 00:11

Tell Dave you're not happy and tell him why. Dump the dick who is supposed to be your partner, and wait for the fireworks. Light blue touchpaper and stand back. Surely you can do better than that loser?

AtrociousCircumstance · 18/10/2018 00:11

Oh just dump him. You know he’s a dick. Don’t waste your time on this pathetic loser.

AdaColeman · 18/10/2018 00:13

The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>

Gemini69 · 18/10/2018 00:16

Rita Sue and Bob too.... Hmm

stitchinguru · 18/10/2018 00:25

Based on personal experience, I’d always be wary of ‘a new friend’ who is mentioned a bit too frequently.

Villagelifer · 18/10/2018 06:01

Do you really need to ask?
I would make an effort to save a relationship with someone who's worth it. Your partner doesn't sound like a catch and you're having to make an effort. I'd move on.

Dotte · 18/10/2018 06:12

I would focus on yourself for a while, is Dave the father? It sounds like she likes your bf more than Dave. If Dave is not the father, then in her eyes, does it make too much of a difference if he just moves on out? I wouldn’t hang around to find out though!

category12 · 18/10/2018 06:13

I gather your dp tried to run off with another woman previously, but she wouldn't have him? And now there's this.

So, you have a relationship with no trust (for good reason) with someone who's only with you because the ow didn't want him.

Dead horse. Stop flogging.

Do yourself a massive favour and end it properly, and don't go back. This is rubbish. You can do better.

Notacluewhatthisis · 18/10/2018 06:39

Really? Why do you want all this drama?

MountainPeakGeek · 18/10/2018 06:42

Partners last 'good friend' was another friends girlfriend. Partner flirted with her, met her in secret and then tried to run off with her whilst i was carrying his baby, luckily this good friend only saw him as a good friend and told her partner and they told me (showed me screenshots)

Why are you even posting? Dump the twat.

Womanlikeme · 18/10/2018 07:04

They sit together all night and chill all day? Where do you fit into this arrangement?

Lizzie48 · 18/10/2018 07:54

Sorry, I agree with others on here. You should just dump this tosser. He can then move in with Dave and Sandra permanently if Dave is enough of a mug to accept it.

I don't usually speak as harshest about someone as this, but really, you'd be much better off single.

Charlottesshoezzzz · 18/10/2018 08:09

Oh dear. How on earth can you even be bothered with all this drama? Do you not have any self respect? I would have let him try to run off with the last fantasy/obsession and have counted your blessings you were well rid of him!

NonaGrey · 18/10/2018 08:16

Wait a minute you partner recently tried to run off with another woman and you are worried that you are being “silly” about his interest in Sandra?

You don’t trust him which is fine because he isn’t trustworthy.

He tried to leave you for another woman while you were pregnant.

What are you doing?

SputnikBear · 18/10/2018 08:20

He’s already cheated on you. And your relationship is bad enough for him to have moved out. Why are you even still wasting your time with him? The situation with Sandra sounds worrying but even without that I’d have dumped him a long time ago.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 18/10/2018 08:31

OP I don't think you are jealous - I think you are being totally mugged off. This all sounds a bit Jeremy Kyle - I'd say dump him but I suspect you will keep going back for more and end up having a shit life as he jumps between woman and eventually dumps you. He sounds totally that type.

Huskylover1 · 18/10/2018 08:39

I wouldn't tolerate this bullshit, even if your "Partner" was earning Millions and was mentally stable.

All this crap with preggers Sandra.... AND :

  • He is mentally unstable

  • He doesn't work

  • He cheated on you when you were pregnant

He sounds like an absolute waste of skin.

Fuck him off and find a real man. One that is stable, one that earns a crust, one that adores you, one that doesn't cheat, one that doesn't slob around the house all day, when most folk are grafting.

This guy will ALWAYS be a cheating bottom feeder. And, if he moves back in with you, you'll have to financially keep him, whilst wondering where he might stick his dick next week. As long as you are with him, you'll never find true peace or have a house or a car or any holidays ever, because he will never have a pot to piss in

I really hope you are not wasting your best fertile years on this Douch.

FlowerpotFairyHouse · 18/10/2018 08:47

Partners last 'good friend' was another friends girlfriend. Partner flirted with her, met her in secret and then tried to run off with her whilst i was carrying his baby, luckily this good friend only saw him as a good friend and told her partner and they told me (showed me screenshots) anre me and dave being silly in thinkibg this is abit much?

What on earth are you playing at? Just dump him and end all the drama.

poglets · 18/10/2018 08:50

He may have to pay his rent at this place but why can't he be based back in your old shared home? Or do you not want that?

Kennycalmit · 18/10/2018 09:00

Seriously? You even have to ask? Confused

Lizzie48 · 18/10/2018 09:32

He's basically behaving like a teenager, OP, not a grown man. I don't see him changing, sorry to say.

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