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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to support my friend with pregnancy decision?

5 replies

Pingpongalong · 17/10/2018 14:52

Named changed for this one... this is a genuine plea for some advice as I don’t know what to say to my cousin. We grew up very close, treat each other like sisters.
She met this guy a few months ago, they dated a bit and they then split up and dated other people but she’s just found out she’s 8 weeks pregnant.
After talking to him he doesn’t want the baby but has said he’ll support her and wants to marry her (!!!) if she’s going to keep it (due to his religious views). She’s currently leaning towards keeping it.
I’m really worried she only wants to keep it to create a family (she’s a quite a bit older than the average mum, and I think she’s got it in her mind that this is her one chance at a family) but I’ve just got this horrible feeling that it’s all going to implode and she’ll end up a single mum - which is absolutely fine but when I talk to her she emphatically says she doesn’t want that, and wouldn’t be keeping the baby if he hasn’t offered to marry her.
This just seems like a recipe to a complete life implosion to me but I don’t know how to tell her that without her hating me! Or maybe I’m wrong and it could work out?? I think she’s hoping it’ll be like some romantic comedy film but I’m not sure life actually works like that!

OP posts:
Welshmaiden85 · 17/10/2018 14:55

It’s never a good idea to talk someone into an abortion...not saying you would but don’t go near that territory.

I would keep saying to her that regardless of what happens with the father she will want a good support system and help her to build it now so that if it does go wrong with Mr Religious she isn’t left feeling totally alone.

ems137 · 17/10/2018 14:58

I've known plenty of people that regret having a termination but none that have regretted keeping the baby, regardless of how their life has planned out afterwards.

Pingpongalong · 17/10/2018 15:39

Absolutely I wouldn’t dream of talking her into an abortion... it’s more I just don’t want her to go into this without considering she could (and will likely I feel) be a single mum... it’s going to be such a tough time for her

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 17/10/2018 15:45

If she is considering a termination then I would just advise her that she can access pre-treatment counselling if she is unsure of her decision.

However she doesn't sound like she is considering it. So I think just support her as she is very likely to end up as a single parent. And tbh it would be better than a shotgun wedding with this bloke.

Sunnyjac · 19/10/2018 07:18

Can your support not be centred around standing up to this guy and making her choice for her not him? Marrying him because he sees this as the only option suggests he will aim to control her with his strict views. Keep the baby without the marriage?

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