why am i doing this?

[unfaithfull]

i don't know why i even started it BUT i seem to be getting deeper and deeper into a relationship with a friend.
has been mostly confined to e-mail/msn/text messages with just 2 real life meetings over the space of nearly a year
i've been with dp for a long time and have 1 child together
have known friend for longer but only as close friends for 7/8yrs
i know i should stay away but he draws me in like a magnet and i cannot get him out of my head
i love my partner dearly and we have a good sex life he is a good man and an excellent daddy he knows nothing about this and i have HUGE guilt
i've not had sex with friend but we have kissed etc

madamez- have just checked out that book -thanks .

dp is a one women man

"friend" is in previous relationships controlling and jealous - erm that makes him sound like a tosser he's not

so i don't think pologamy will be the road taken!

i'm sometimes obsessive i just need to get a grip and look at what i have and what i'd lose i guess . . . .

plus you're right our life has become dull dull dull

we should get out more together - it's just sometimes when i'm talking to him i know he's bored stiff and vice versa

i'm kinda terrified of slipping into middle age

It does sound like the problem would be on the way to being fixed if you and your DP had more fun together (if you are in a relationship with someone who is profoundly monogamous then you kind of either have to adapt to that or end the relationship). But one of the biggest problems of the cult of monogamy is that people think that if they fancy someone other than the designated partner, then the new fancy must be THe One and therefore that justifies wrecking existing relationships, and ending up some months or years down the line just repeating the same pattern. Everyone is complete in themselves, a new partner isn't going to 'fix' you...

Great post Madamez.

Good luck unfaithfull

i think maybe i've not explained myself well

i love my dp
i love my "friend"

i want to live with my dp & kids
i don't really wanna "be with" my friend

but i can't really do the being unfaithfull bit without MASSIVE guilt

i'm torn i don't wan't to leave the man i love & i don't wan't to betray him . . .

i'm a little drunk and a lot tired so i'm leaving it there thanks for responses x

If you stop contact with your friend for, say, a year, maybe you can start over without the flirting etc then? Or at least give it a go?

(I agree with everyone else about finding out what's missing in your relationship, doing fun stuff together, and putting your energies into rebuilding that, rather than into a diversion.)