Break Up Help

[Deadlypenguin89]

Basically my ex broke up with me 1 week 1/2 ago because the situation surrounding our relationship didn’t make her happy. I have a child from a previous relationship who I have 4 days out if 9! My ex found me having my daughter difficult and stayed she doesn’t want a child in her life so walked out.

We have been together nearly two years and she always knew I had a child. She has mentioned it in the past but stayed to work through it because she love me. It now seems to have got too much for her.

We lived together and then she just walked out moving back home with her parents which is 1 hr 20 mins away. She then still travels from there to work which is taking her a long time.

I made the mistake of begging and texting etc over the last week. Trying to get her to stay and come back.

She is devastated and so am I. She says she loves me, she doesn’t want anyone else, she is happy with me just not the situation. She said she probably would still be with me if the situation was different.

She wants to be friends still at some point because she says I don’t want to loose you from my life.

We have been messaging most days but it’s been really difficult. She broke down at work and then said to me she just needs some space at the moment which I am giving her now.

What I don’t get is she says she loves me and I am the one for her because she doesn’t want anyone else. But she can be with me as a relationship makes her unhappy. She says when I’ve aske that she doesn’t think we will ever get back together.

I love her and don’t know what to do for the best or how I can win her back. Can anyone help me with this?

I think you need to come to terms with the fact that your relationship with her is over. If being a nearly full-time step-parent wasn't for her, she did the right thing in leaving. Just because you care for someone doesn't mean it will work. My advise is to make a clean break, stop communicating with her and move on.

Your child has always got to come first in these situations.

For your own peace of mind, I would go LC or NC for now to give yourself time to get over the relationship ending. Don’t stay in touch with her for now.

Yes my daughter does come first. But there was nothing else wrong with the relationship at all! I just think she needs time to get over her own fears.

I really want her to end up realising she has made a mistake and come back. Will NC help with this and do you think she will realise.

Just because YOU want her to "realise" something doesn't mean she will. You need to leave her alone.

There's nothing to realise. Why has she made a mistake? If she has realised that being a step parent isn't for her them it is best for everyone (especially your daughter) that you brake up. Your DD deserves a step mum/family generally who want to be around her, etc. Some people aren't into it, and that's fine. Sounds like that applies to your ex.

Could you agree to a part-time relationship?
So she stays with you when you don't have your DC and with her parents when you do?
Or could she get her own place close by and follow the same model as above?
What is the issue with your DD?
Do you take full responsibility for your DD?
Do all the cooking, cleaning, school drops, etc....i.e. when DD is there?
Do you go out and expect your GF to look after your DD alone?
Is your DD very badly behaved?
Do you go out with your DC to give your GF some space in those days you have daughter?

I'm just trying to understand what may have happened more recently to drive her away.

Anyway.... in the mean-time go NC for a while.
Give yourself some time and head-space.
And her also.
Understanding the 'loss' of you fully, may bring her back but it may not.
And she will never know the full 'loss' of you unless you stop contacting each other.
Clean break for now and see how it goes.

I agree that low content or none would be best. Do you want to be friends if there will never be a romantic relationship again (different to wanting to be friends in the hope that you get back together). Will you be able to be happy for her in 9 months time if she hypothetically gets a new partner? If not then best not to try and stay friends. It doesn't work in most cases and given the relationship wasn't massively long either it's probably best to just leave it.

She didn’t do anything with my daughter I did everything! She was never on her own with her and me and my daughter went out to give her space sometimes. Nothing new has happened to change it.

I think there is something to realise because she’s throwing something really great away for what?

Does she really care like she says?

Why does she still want me in her life as a friend?

With your update, I can only suggest she may have had her head turned.
It will be so hard for you to be friends.
She's basically, letting you down gently.
Trying NOT to look the bad girl in all this.
But I do think there is probably someone else in the background.
Sorry!

I'm thinking there was more problems with your relationship than you realise. Even if there wasn't, she doesn't want a child in her life. End of story.

Seriously, just let her go.

There is no one else. She says that she doesn’t want anyone else and might even just become asexual! I was her first real relationship and person she had been with.

I am struggling to let her go because I have never been happier in a relationship.

I love my daughter to bits but in this current moment I am not enjoying our time together. I feel like such a terrible father. I just keep thinking if I didn’t have her then this wouldn’t be happening. I know that’s bad to say and I wish my mind wasn’t going to such a bad place.

She's not cut out for being a part time step mum, you can still see each other if you really want to, just not live together, that could work no, why is she not interested in exploring this alternative, it does look like she's done with it all.

Do not let this woman who you barely know interfere with your relationship with your daughter, it's not connected.

I don’t know why she won’t...... she says that’s half a relationship.

The problem is I do know her very well as we have been together 2 years and spent so much time with each other.

I don’t think I can find anyone who I will connect with like her. I have never felt this way about anyone, not even my daughters mum