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Original poster

He’s just not over her is he

16 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 16/10/2018 19:59

I’m trying the dating game for the 9 millionth time and been seeing a man, let’s call him Jim, for a few months. He’s not been in any semblance of relationship since breaking up with a v long term partner 2 years ago.

He talks about her so often and will bring her in when it’s not necessary, ie recentl ad a tenuous link in a conversation about internet providers. He also still likes all her pictures on social media. And recently has the hump a bit about what a twat her new BF is.

This is a road to nowhere isn’t it

OP posts:
puzzledlady · 16/10/2018 19:59

How long was he with her for? Any kids? Past history?

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 16/10/2018 20:02

Beginning of university for 8 years Shock
No kids but they did own a flat together.

He says they ended on awful terms and don’t speak but he seems pretty caught up still

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2018 20:05

He is completely emotionally unavailable. It's time to move on from this one.

WallisFrizz · 16/10/2018 20:07

I think you’re right he’s not fully over her. You’ve got nothing to lose by having a frank conversation with him about it. Most people feel nostalgic or even struggle to get over their first love but it shouldn’t fuck up future relationships. You don’t want to be wondering how he would react if she gave him a call...

Thingshavegottobebetter · 16/10/2018 20:21

I think you're right. I felt this early on with my dp - his relationship with his ex had no boundaries and she was the priority. He told me he was a very private person, didn't post photos on Facebook. I found hed hidden them all. All very odd. I felt very early on that he still loved her.

We were due to move in in October. He put off having the conversation with his ex. He delayed it to December. Has just told me today that he thinks it's best he delays to January as hes left it too late to have the discussion. In the meantime, we've ordered a car - well, I've the one who's made the commitment - big enough for us all that's due in November. Ive realised hell never be in a position to move on until he gets over her and sorts boundaries.

Run for the hills is my advice. If I knew what I knew now, I would have.

Hogglesballs · 16/10/2018 20:22

He's not over her at all.

sissy89 · 16/10/2018 20:25

If they ended on awful terms then why is he still liking her profile pictures? And why are they still 'friends' on social media? Clearly not over her op, sorry x

SandyY2K · 16/10/2018 20:35

If they ended on awful terms then why is he still liking her profile pictures?

I agree.

Don't settle for a guy who is still into his Ex .. and like a pp he doesn't have the guts to tell his Ex he's moving in with the new GF.

Those are red flags and unless you are happy to be second choice because he's not with the one he wants...but him loose.

OTOH I've always thought it would be interesting to mirror this and talk about your Ex in a similar way and see what response you get.

But yeah...he ain't over her.

userxx · 16/10/2018 20:39

Yep, unfortunately I think you're right. It's a massive giveaway when they constantly mention the ex as they are still clearly on their mind. Time to cut him loose.

Honeyroar · 16/10/2018 20:44

Yes I think you're right too. But well done you for realising.

SandyY2K · 16/10/2018 20:46

He told me he was a very private person, didn't post photos on Facebook. found he'd hidden them all.

Wasnt this worrying enough for you?

We were due to move in in October. He put off having the conversation with his ex.

Why does he have to have a conversation with her about it?

He delayed it to December.
Mmm

Has just told me today that he thinks it's best he delays to January as hes left it too late to have the discussion.

People treat you how you let them. He knows you're no t going anywhere, so it's not an issue for him.

In the meantime, we've ordered a car - well, I've the one who's made the commitment - big enough for us all that's due in November.

You've accepted being the 'lesser' in your relationship. He doesn't have to commit...because you commit for the both of you.

Ive realised he'll never be in a position to move on until he gets over her and sorts boundaries.

Very sad indeed.

Sounds like a one sided relationship.

Ohyesiam · 16/10/2018 20:46

Well he doesn’t sound d like he has any space for you.

Thingshavegottobebetter · 16/10/2018 21:05

Yes, the photo hiding did ring alarm bells. He told me that he wanted them for his daughter when she grew up.
The reason for the conversation is because they have a 3 year old daughter. I have a 5 year old daughter and 6 year old son.

Hogglesballs · 16/10/2018 21:15

My ex was like that, he didn't want to be with me. Sorry :( @Thingshavegotogetbetter

Miggeldy · 17/10/2018 02:06

He's not over her. He sounds like a total loser too. Save yourself the arseache and bin him.

meowimacat · 17/10/2018 09:21

Two red flags from this:

  1. He mentions her randomly and often
  2. He says he's a 'private person' - exactly what guys do when they want to keep you a secret

Well done for spotting the signs, but now you need to leave. You can stay and be second best, but he is certainly not giving you his all as his heart is still with her. Maybe tell him in time if he is ready then he should let you know but right now cut all contact. xx

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