My 50 yr old husband has had an affair

[Abitsadbuthopeful]

We've been together 11 years. He's been with a 25yr old work colleague since March. I've plenty of evidence. We are divorcing of course. But he stills denies it and is alternating between buying my favourite yoghurt one minute and next he's threatening me with the police because I showed his dick pics (part of the affair!) To my friends. How do I get through the emotional trauma? We have a 7 yr old who has severe ADHD and I can't get my head round the fact he never thought once about how this affect him, even though he rates himself as the perfect dad. Any advice welcome.

He an arse.

Get good legal advice

He’s right about the dick pics tho. You distributed an indecent image. Just please. Don’t do it again.

How on earth does he deny it, I swear I don’t get the balls on these shit men!

Well done you. Stand strong, you’re amazing.

How fucking devastating and scary for you. Try to keep calm and put a plan in place that minimises the disruption for your son. Do you work?

What about your home?

Abitsadbuthopeful hello I here purely in an attempt to be part of your cheerleader squad as I am 50 and DH will be 50 in a couple of months and I can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m so sorry, what a dickhead. How old are you?

25!!! Bloody hell, he's going to be playing hard ball on the financial side... So yes, really good legal advice and secure the assets.

Re the emotional trauma - channel it into righteous anger OP!

MAKE SURE he has your son as much as possible.

Right now you're going to feel very protective of your child but don't make the mistake I made and get lumbered with so much childcare that your opportunities to live your life are curtailed.

He leched after a 25 year old and that was his fun. YOu can create a meaningful and full life for yourself but you need FREETIME. Make that crystal clear. I 'd forego maintenance for more freedom.

ps let him be the perfect Dad. Every weekend.

Agree with everyone else about being assertive about childcare.

I'm 43 next week. Don't think I'll be getting any birthday presents this year.

Aw totally, I was in a blind panic and sent them to some close friends to ask their advice and for some support. I know I made a mistake.

Delete the dick pics if you still have them. You haven't committed an offence if you didn't send them or provide physical copies but yes that was wrong.

Beyond that no specific advice but I'm sorry your DH is such an absolute bell end hopefully if he is still seeing the OW he will not kick up too much of a fuss over the divorce.

Dirty she says she sent them to close friends. So technically she has committed an offence.

Delete them if you haven’t already though.

The pictures are an offence so he does have a leg to stand on - people have been prosecuted for it i believe.

The other matter - he is an utter arse and i can only recommend getting a good lawyer. What he did (affair) is unacceptable.

Get advice. Get rid.

Agree - encourage as much contact as possible. Not only will it ensure your child grows up to know both parents, it will ensure you get the down time you need. And as an indirect consequence, it’ll ruin his new relationship too.

Definitely delete the photos and ask your friends to do the same. I doubt he will go to the police - "Officer, my wife has forwarded to her friends the photo of my dick that I sent to my 25 year old mistress" - can you see that conversation actually happening?!!

Delete them, and get legal advice, talk back control

Maybe you could say it was somebody else's dick!

I think he'd have to have balls the size of coconuts to go down the route of charging you with distribution of a picture of his dick when he himself sent it to his OW

Is he identifiable in the dick pics?

The advice about sharing child care is sound. Start with 50/ 50 now, if you can. Or at least the maximum that won't disrupt your son. Your ex has broken his relationship with you but not his parental one with his son. Even a small amount of free time can be well spent by you to help you rebuild your life. Sport, hobbies, meeting friends, studying,