Is it over? Please help

[Issy777]

Had a massive argument with dp last night he is working away and was out with colleague. He had promised me he wouldn't go for drinks just a meal and suddenly was out drinking g with her! He just suddenly went crazy and sent me a foray of texts telling me to move out! And he couldnt put up with it anymore!

I'm in shock cos we have a holiday booked this Friday for dds 11th birthday. I'm distraught and can't understand it, we were fine before he left, it was just basically a bit of tit for tat in txt messages not unusual for us anyway .

I really don't know what to do should I just move out? Or wait for him to return to speak properly?! It's difficult because he just seems adamant we're over without any discussion or wanting to talk. Also, not sure what he's doing about holiday as my dd is looking forward to it

Please someone help I'm so upset

@Notacluewhatthisis

That's exactly what you said so I know you get the gist completely. My trust has ruined it. He said exactly what u said he rejected her advances when he was single why wouldn't he now?
I think my issue is we never go on dates or spend any time as a couple alone without the kids. Haven't once since youngest dd was born n even before maybe once in months. So I was bitter him getting to have one to one dinners and drinks with another woman. I admit it's bitterness for me and it's bad I know. I had tried to explain this to him but he wasn't having it. Just kept saying he's fed up

I want to try though so I guess that's why I'm clutching at straws. We've been through a lot together and I don't want it to end

@dirtybadger

I know I was just wondering if people thought he was being serious or just out of anger it's so hard to tell with him as he does usually do this and then gives me the silent treatment but then out of nowhere will just be normal with me again so I am just really confused
He hasn't contacted me since this morning but he's back tomorrow so the question is do I go back or stay away?

Oh fuck him. He regularly tells you it's over then gives you the silent treatment and then wants to carry on as normal!? This is so not a healthy relationship.

He isn't innocent either. It's not just your trust that's ruined it. The unhealthy actions are things that you both do. Such as not socialising without eachother. That's not healthy. But you both agreed to it and both, apparantly, are happy with it.

He works away. He isn't going to stop. Either accept it or decide you can't live like this and decide you aren't going to get back together with him.

OP I know I am being harsh, but I don't think being being a bleeding heart is really going to help you. This shit has gone on to long. Too much resentment and time has passed.

You don't socialise without one another? I thought that was another poster on Ops previous post, not OP and her DP/ex.
If I missed that bit.....it just gets worse!

dirtybadger another poster, posted it. Bit op got all excites that someone did the same. Apparantly it helps trust. Except it clearly doesn't help.

Forget him for a while. Ask for the holiday tickets - if you haven't got them already. Start packing for the hol and take your daughters away yourself.

He isn't your sun, your moon and stars.
You are a separate person. Stop clinging to him. Start living independently. Your girls deserve your attention.

Move out of the home when it's convenient to you and the girls.

Can a person get tired of a relationship and finish it without wanting a discussion, or withiut 'trying at it'? Yes. Definitely yes.

@Notacluewhatthisis

No he's not innocent. He completely manipulates me and puts me down
He just said over the phone that I'm full of attitude and he wouldn't wanna take me out or go on holiday with me!
So guess that explains it!

Although, I was apologising all night and only asked if he was going for drinks n he just went mad! So I feel now he is just blaming me

@DianaT1969

Sadly, don't think I can. He paid for the whole holiday as a Birthday present to dd - she's been asking to go on holiday for ages- I've taken them on my own when he's been working n she really wanted a family holiday
I think he'll end up just going with them alone. He clearly doesn't wanna be with me

In the nicest possible way OP.....

This relationship is clearly toxic. It's done. Dead, Over.

If you guys were meant to be together you wouldn't find yourselves in this situation.

Workmates of my OH basically propositioned him on the staff Christmas night out last year. I laughed when he told me. We trust each other 100%. I couldn't care less who invited him back to theirs. I know he won't go there (and he knows it works both ways). It never even crossed my mind to tell him he couldn't have drinks with those women again.

Consider him out of your life. Only discuss contact with your child and avoid getting into arguments - it's completely futile. You all deserve better than this.

@ShinyPinkLipgloss

It's nice u have that kind of relationship and I do envy it. Sadly me and mine always had an intense relationship from the word go
We met young in university basically each other's first kiss, relationship and sexual encounter etc so I guess it was always gonna be pretty intense

We have been through lots n I have tried my best to please him. I just think sometimes I'm never good enough he'll always find fault, I haven't been out socially in years. God actually it's been since we were split up a few years back. I would rather chose to be with the kids. Him, however works away and always goes out drinking
I try trust him but guess I'm just better that he gets to do all the fun social stuff but doesn't with me if that makes sense? Never makes time to take me out on a date! I'm not a demanding materialistic person I'd be happy just going to the local pub for a drink n a snack!

Bitter*

Oh not this again

You have a terrifyingly unhealthy relationship

Your 'rules' are unhealthy your mistrust won't quell.

Call it a day and grow up

You shouldn't have to "try your best to please him".

A healthy relationship is one in which each cares for the other (warts and all - no one is perfect) and feels comfortable around each other, wanting to spend quality time together whilst also having other interests independent of each other.

It may seem difficult to believe now, but once you've established yourself as single you will begin to see how better off you are without him.

Is this the one where social services have advised you do not share a house with this man and he also has fantasies of sharing you with other men? Or am I getting confused with another Izzy ? The writing style & situation is very similar ...

Are you the OP with the photo of the Indian meal?

From the sounds of it this woman is advising him to ignore your petty controlling self tbh. I could not live with you. You sound abusive.