I’m falling apart, please help me

[Catherine0201]

I’ve been with my partner 3 years, I love him and we have lived together. 2 weeks ago he said he wanted his own time to do stuff, I accepted this and went to my moms not thinking too much of it as I’ve often stayed here. On Friday I called him and he told me he didn’t want to be with me, I’m so heartbroken. I’ve gone through 4 miscarriages with this guy, we’ve planned our future, always speak about marriage and now he’s just gone. We were on the phone last night as I called him to get some clarity, and discuss what we need to as alll of my things are at his house and he also owes me money. He was being SO cold with me it was like we never spend 3 lovely years together. He was being mean and said there’s no point asking questions he’s just not happy, said that my questions were annoying him and I need to just accept it. It’s been 2 days how can he think I can let go that quickly. He sounded like a different person. I’m so hurt as now there’s no hope between us, only 3 weeks before my birthday and with Xmas approaching I feel horrible. All these occasions I made plans with him.

My friends and my family have been amazing, you really don’t know how many people are behind you until something like this happens. I know no one can make me feel better about it but not being alone helps me. I am so close with his family and the children in his family so not seeing them will be a huge loss as I spent so much time with them, but it’s something i’ll Have to accept. I’m going to call up about having my therapy sessions again as I finished therapy a few months ago thinking I would be fine but this has hit me like a tonne of bricks and put me very far back in terms of progress with my anxiety xx Thankyou for all being so lovely to me

I did everything for him, ran his baths, made his dinners, did his washing, always looked glam even if I was only running to the shops, always tried to keep sex life exciting, listened to him, laughed with him, I thought we were great.

OP, what did he do for you?

Seriously - this does not sound like a proper adult relationship between two equals. Why were you doing all this stuff for him? Did he run your baths or cook you any dinners?

Why were you so desperate to start a family so very, very quickly? Did you think it would cement your relationship or something? Really, why would you have a child with someone who you barely know and with whom you have not even the commitment and financial security of marriage. Why were you not just enjoying having a great relationship? What on earth makes you think that a girlfriend has to behave in this way (washing, dinners, listening, babies, the full Stepford?) to her boyfriend? Where are your wishes and wants?

I am really sorry for your sadness and I am not saying this to be horrible, but you really need to find you in all this.

It is so sad but it’s lovely that you have your family to look after you. As awful as you feel now you need to know that life goes on and you will get over this. You will not feel sad forever and there will be loads more happy times ahead for you. Try to stay strong be ready for the next good phase to come along. I suffer with anxiety too so I know how debilitating it be. Take each day at a time and be kind to yourself.

@Haffiana my wishes and wants were to be with him. I did these things as I was living there at his and just wanted to contribute since I had been signed off work for a few weeks so just trying to make the house look amazing with dinners ready for when he came home, just to show my appreciation for him, as I didn’t want him to come back and see me lounging around all day doing nothing. He would make dinners usually if I hadnt, and do all these things is in own time but with him working full time I was just trying to be helpful. The first baby wasn’t planned but it made us realise it was what we wanted ( I thought WE did, not so sure now) after that we took a “if it happens if happens” approach, we both wanted it but weren’t actively trying. But then it did happen, on 3 more occasions and all were a loss, so after this I felt traumatised got the contraceptive injection and just we never really spoke about it again, he just agreed that we’d try again later in life, give my body and our relationship a chance to relax after everything.

I’m in denial, I can’t believe he’s done this to me

That’s okay. It willgga

Sorry, screen went crazy! Keeps jumping to other places and then won’t let me type!

I was trying to say it’s normal and it’ll take some time for the shock to wear off, I was 22 when it happened to me after a similarly lengt

My god.

Similar length relationship and it took months to grieve. It’s horrible. I promise it gets better. I’m 30 now in a relationship much happier and more suited and I never ever think of him. It taught me I can get through anything and don’t need anyone.

I couldn’t eat for a fortnight, everything hurt. I remember the shower jet hurting my skin. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, above losing my mum. I promise it gets better. I promise when time passes you’ll look back on this and be amazed you made it through and it’ll give you so much strength and confidence in yourself for the rest of your life and in future relationships.

First heartbreaks are always horrendous, my fiance cheated on me when I was your age and couldn't imagine ever feeling better. I've now been with my husband 19 years and couldn't be happier, I know it's a cliche but time really does heal. From what you've said, your relationship sounded very one sided and I suspect in time you'll come to realise this. Right now all you can do is accept the support from your family and friends. Hope you start to feel better soon

I do hope I do start to feel better soon, it’s the fact he wants to live his life without me that I can’t comprehend, I thought we were so happy and this had just hit me hard. I never thought someone I planned a family with, would be this cruel and cold with me. It’s almost like he’s just switched off completely. I have an appointment tomorrow to get some lip filler ( not a crazy amount but I had it done a year or so back so jusf a top up) I’ve already paid my deposit so I can’t cancel, I just can’t face going to go try look pretty when deep down I feel rejected and horrible

I’ve told so many people about this. It’s kind of helped, randomly old friends have got in touch from school times and I’ve just been honest when they’ve asked how things are and they’ve been so supportive, I never knew how many people I had around me x

The only person you should ever want to look pretty for is yourself, and if the lipfiller helps you to feel even prettier then that is fantastic - keep the appointment! If you keep putting one step in front of the other OP, in time you will be motoring forwards again at a good pace. You can do this

Sorry, cross-posted - the support and love you are receiving just shows what very poor judgement your ex has, everyone thinks you're awesome!

I just stupidly logged onto a old Snapchat account I have that I had him on, and looked at his Snapchat. He didn’t have a story up but could see from his location settings looks like he’s out and about today in the town centre. It hurts me as I’m barely able to leave my house and he’s perfectly able to go about happily shopping. I won’t look again, I presume he’s speaking to girls on there now anyway:(

I also just woke up from a lovely dream about me and him having a nice time, I just had to get over a panic attack because Of this, makes me miss Him more I just want to cry

This is so painful for you. Of course he is ok, he chose to leave and no doubt knows if he changes his mind you will take him back.

It sounds like your world revolved around him and his needs. Maybe you felt unworthy or that treating him this way would make you indispensable to him. Either way, your relationship sounded very one-sided.

At some point the sadness will subside. If he doesn't want you, then you shouldn't want him. You will get through this, but stop trying to figure him out. His actions have told you all you need to know.

Your life will go on and you will laugh again xx

@HereIgoagainxx the painful thing I know he’s stubborn, he won’t ask for me back, he’s made his decision and he would never ever admit he’s wrong and try work things out now. Also I’ve told too many people as I’ve broke down to everyone, they would not accept me being back with him, not to mention the fact that’s he’s allowed me to be broken hearted and not even ask if im okay. He knows how this has affected me and has stayed silent, as much as I love him and am desperate to be with him I can’t forgive that. Deep down I just think I used to go the extra mile doing nice things as I have bad experience with previous less serious relationships etc when my ex left me for someone else , I was so paranoid at times it would happen to me again, just from inner isssues I have with myself , and I just wanted to make him happy as I love him. I never thought he’d leave.

I used to have those dreams. They’re horrible. I dreamt we were happy and in love and woke up to reality. It’s your brain sorting through and processing everything.

If I might add some advice, samaritans are really good for being by your side during things like this. You can text them on 07725909090 or email them on [email protected] as well as ring or go to see them in person. It might really help to know you always have someone asking how you are and talking you through how you’re feeling during this period. Keep posting here too. I look forward to an update in six months time where you feel back to normal and are getting on with life feeling strong and capable. I promise it’ll come.