Not sure if anyone remembers me, I posted about two months ago about my partner. I had the post deleted because it was a bit scary that he'd see it but basically to recap he moved himself in, didn't pay any rent, got himself a key cut, had big fights with me all the time that resulted in him throwing me around. He did drugs, was extremely jealous, very possessive and if I ever tried to do anything without him it would somehow end in me crying hysterically and him getting his way every time.
When I wrote my last post I had locked myself in the bathroom and he kept trying to get in, and I couldn't even go to the shop or leave the house alone because of his insistence to always be with me.
I had so much support from this website, it made me realise that I was not only so unhappy but in a real actual dangerous situation. I took a lot of strength from remembering the responses and concern and advice everyone gave me, even though I was too scared to keep the post up.
So I just wanted to update and let everyone know I finally got away. I'm ashamed it took me a month or so, I tried multiple times and it just didn't seem to work? Like he'd 'forget' I said anything or say I was just emotional or he'd talk and talk at me about how much he'd change. I kept feeling like I didn't have a 'good enough' reason and it felt like all our friends would hate me if I left him because he's very popular and I felt like I just had just blown it all out of proportion and was being dramatic. It's like I was waiting until he did something 'bad enough' again for me to show everyone I could go. Obviously I know now that was not the case, I had every right to walk out of there at any minute. It was his gaslighting and my fear that stopped me.
But one night he was up to his old tricks, he had done a lot of drugs, was shouting and storming off and I was trailing behind him crying my eyes out and it finally hit home that this just cannot be my life. I did not deserve this, he is just one mean manipulative bully living off my money with no prospects except to continually make my life fucking miserable, and that I'm too bloody amazing to be chained to this dead weight for even one second longer.
It was exhausting when I told him it was really over. I couldn't get him out of my house, he cried and begged then screamed and shouted and kept telling me it wasn't up to me and he doesn't believe me. I finally got him to go but then he turned up constantly, he stopped going to work and he bombarded me with calls and texts every minute until I blocked everything.
It's not easy. It's been a couple of weeks and it feels like he is just biding his time, when I did go out with friends he's everywhere and he's still adamant that he'll never let me go. It can be really tough, there's lovebombing attempts and he keeps 'running into me' which I don't think is at all a coincidence and it's just an intensity that won't stop. I'm moving house because I feel watched all the time. He's trying every angle to get a reaction and from what I hear he refuses to even acknowledge we've broken up, even telling our friends that it's just a 'rough patch'. I have no idea how to convince him I'm really gone, I'm just trying to not engage with him, although NC has made him obsess even more it seems.
Anyway sorry this is so long, I just thought I'd send an update and hopefully get some more of that strength and support that helped so much last time to get me through. I am mentally so tired.
Really hoping those better days are on their way.