Back to dating and coming up to 6th date with a guy and scared of being hurt.

[Clarec73]

I’ve met a lovely guy and it seems to be going well. We have been out for a couple of meals, cinema, he’s cooked for me and I’ve stayed over. I’m getting strong feelings for him but don’t want to tell him as I don’t want to scare him off. We’ve kissed in public, hold hands when we are out. So I know he’s not afraid to show me affection. I am scared of showing my feelings for him. I was widowed 18 months ago and just plucked up the courage to start dating so feel I’m really out of touch with all this. Any thoughts on this would help.

Hi Clarec. I get what you are saying. I split up with my ex 2 years ago and have been intentionally single since. But I met someone 6 months ago, and over the last month we have got closer and are now "in a relationship". I've spent most of the last month trying to find reasons to call it off. But I've realised this weekend that whether I fight it or embrace it, I'm invested, and it sounds like you are too. Enjoy it while it lasts for as long as it lasts and if you have to deal with the heartbreak you will. You've got through worse.

Thank you. You’re right. I have.

There are never any guarantees. You may get hurt, you may not. Why not enjoy what you have? Embrace it, even the uncertainty, and enjoy being with someone that seems to want to make you happy.

I'm sorry for you your loss x

Really understand where you are coming from op.. it's very scary!
I've been single 7 years this is the 3rd time OH & I have been in a 'thing'.. both times before he called it off but my feelings for him never changed nor did I want anyone else.. this time round things are amazing, he is a different person so loving & thoughtful everything I ever wanted him to be & it scares the hell out of me! I started to back off & push him away because of my fear of him dumping me again but a wise good friend told me off & said why can't this be your happy ever after, stop saying when he finishes it.. he might not.. nothing is guaranteed & that whatever happens I'll survive.. & she's right I've survived worse so I'm enjoying it, not exactly letting all my barriers down that will take a long time but life's too short for what ifs!! 

I am in the same position as "tiny pony* . Have had those same thoughts and fear of getting dependent on someone again .

Thank you everyone, I know there are no guarantees, and you’re right I have coped with worse. I’m going to try and stop worrying and enjoy, life is too short you’re right. 🙂

I’m also in this situation. It’s difficult. It feels like I’m falling for him and I know he’s still hurt from his previous relationship. That said, I know he cares for me and is enjoying our relationship
I’m terrified of sabotaging everything as I have form.

It’s v scary to be vulnerable again but there’s no easy way around this.
I’m doing my best to relax and enjoy
Good luck OP ❤️

@Clarec73- I was widowed at 33 in 2014. I've been through a break up since and it was hard, and triggered all my feelings of loss. But of course I got through it, because I have survived worse. Just started dating someone new and have the same fears, but figure I'm basically billet proof now

@dilly123 I'm sorry but I'd run in your situation. Your guy sounds like a manipulative chancer, who will hurt you. Find someone who can make his bloody mind up and respect yourself more.

@Grobagsforever

Not wanting to hijack post & I understand why you & a few of my friends think that but he has really opened up about his past & in particular his ex wife & their break up this totally explains why he was the way he was.. I'm too such a different person don't want to sound corny but I've grown so much in independence & confidence & we just really work now.. I was so insecure & needy before which I know put a strain on the relationship.. It's hard to imagine how someone can change so much for the better but he really has... I've not been widowed & can't begin to imagine how heartbreaking that is but I lost a child had a nervous breakdown which ended my marriage.. I've had 10 years since of loneliness speckled with a few disastrous relationships.. I'm grabbing this chance however it turns out but for I'm very happy 😃 

@dilly123 oh Dilly, please read your post back. You actually blame yourself for his shitty behaviour 'I was needy' - this is classic, he is slowly making you suppress your own needs by breaking you down, by dumping you.

Take care, I hope I'm wrong, I doubt it though