Newish relationship and pregnant. Don’t know what to do!

[ThePeachPit]

Been together a year and he’s lovely but we’re no way near the moving in together stage or anything. I already have one dc to my ex, get on ok as co-parents but he doesn’t have dc much due to work, eow if that!
I want more dc (just not yet) my bf definitely wants them but again not yet.

I’ve known a few weeks and had a early scan today to check dates (around 14 weeks) I haven’t had regular periods from my contraception so didn’t know. But I haven’t told my bf yet, because I really don’t know what to do. My initial thought was a termination but I’m not so sure now and obviously need to decide quickly.

I don’t know if I should tell him before I make a decision, I already feel bad I’ve kept it from him these few weeks. Or if he’ll make it more difficult for me to make a decision.

My primary concern is my dd and if things don’t work out being a single parent to two children to two dads. I know the second part is silly of me and a bit shallow, in a what will people think way. But still I’m worrying about it.

With regards to the baby having a different dad - your daughter won’t give it a second thought. She might ask questions as she gets older but that’s normal. She would not think the baby had her dad at all - you’re massively over thinking this

I’m confused as to why it would cause problems between your ex if you were to keep the baby? you said he sees her eow at the most.. so what would it matter to him?

I admire you for thinking so much of your daughter BUT you really are over thinking and worrying too much in regards to how she’d feel with the baby having a different dad. Kids don’t care about that kinda stuff.

I could be wrong but I’m sure if your partner wanted a termination he would’ve made it known? If someone’s sure they don’t want a child that’s been conceived they make it known.

The choice is down to you OP. I’m pro choice however I truly feel like deep down you want this baby more than you don’t.

It’s worth remembering that a lot of people feel guilty about having a new sibling when they have a pretty young child .
I was actually crying when I was in labour cuddling my sleeping 18 month old .
However she loved her and at 23 and 21 she can’t remember life without a sister.
My situation was complicated as well and in all honestly I sort of blocked the pregnancy out of my head a lot.
I was a single parent to both of them . It worked out fine though .

Oh and I still felt guilt and fear with my third when they were 10 and 12 and I was in a very stable marriage and the baby was much tried for and very planned. They love him of course.

It will be her version of normal. Every one's differs and this will be hers. Decide if YOU want to proceed or not (and it sounds like you do). That's the only point to debate really.

Thank you all!
We’ve talked a little more about things and I’m feeling a bit better now.

That's good OP. I wanted to add that a year together isn't that short a time. I married my dh a year after I met him. Do you see yourself staying with him long term?

Do you see yourself staying with him long term? yes I do @MyOtherProfile
I worried a little it was too soon after splitting with dds dad and I wanted to take things very slow. But in a slow to introduce to dd, become more part of our life way not in a us way (if that makes sense). From the start he was very clear he wanted a realationship and wasn’t looking for something casual.
We already knew each other as friends so we’d discussed if we thought it was worth risking our friendship for and what we were both thinking longterm: marriage/kids all that stuff.

He definitely wants us to keep the baby. Although he’s not said that exactly, because he knows I’m still not sure and he’s repeatedly said he’ll support me whatever I decide. I can just tell from the way he is, that he’s hoping I do.

OP: I think you are (obviously) overthinking it about your DD, she will be fine, I know blended families and she is young enough to adjust easily. You need to do what is right for you. Before I had my first child (a few years before) I fell pregnant with my long term boyfriend (and father of my two sons). I felt too young, I freaked out, I booked myself for a consultation to decide what to do. Once I had the scan, I knew really i couldn't go ahead with the termination, was just fear of the unknown. Sadly i had a mmc at 12 weeks. My point is, even with my planned DS I freaked out, and had a little freak out with my 2 DS too. Its normal, especially in your circumstance to have doubts.

You need to talk a lot to you bf. And know that even if you were in a solid marraige where kids were planned, things do not always work out. Good luck with whatever you decide.

You need to talk a lot to you bf. I know pudding. I’ve got a list of questions/concerns for him (poor guy!). He’s coming after work when dds in bed so we can discuss things further.
Moneys going to be a tricky subject to discuss, but I really need to know where he stands on it before I make my decision. I do think he was going to mention it last night but I changed subject and told him I wanted to leave the discussion for now.

Good luck for tonight peach.

Good talk, good cry and it looks like we’re having a baby!

congratulations

congratulations OP!!

very happy for you!

That's lovely news. Your daughter will love a brother or sister. Will be a good age gap and your partner sounds lovely. Congratulations.

Yey! Congratulations OP!

Yey! Congratulations 😀👶🏻

Thank you! I’m relieved I’ve made a decision and my bfs chuffed to bits, although he was trying his best to hide his stupid grin he wasn’t doing a very good job of it.
I’m still worried (obviously) and feeling a bit emotional. Meeting up with my mum today so going to let her know what we’ve decided and have a good talk through it with her.

My parents know and bfs parents do. But we’ve agreed as have they, not to tell anyone else until we’ve had time to get used to things ourself.
I’m not sure what to do about my ex though. Dds too young really to tell her much so we’re waiting to tell her nearer the time and for now just let her slowly get used to bf being around a bit more. But at some point I’m going to start looking pregnant. I didn’t show for ages with dd, but my clothes already feel a bit tighter this time.
I don’t want him to just find out from mutual friends or from noticing, that doesn’t seem fair when it effects his child. Equally I’m no where near ready to be dealing with him about this yet.
Just wondered if anyone had any experience of telling a ex and when seems the right/fair time. Plus how on earth do I actually do it!

@Mother196 definitely worth reading the whole thread.

Woah @Mother196 I suggest you should’ve read the full thread before going on a full judgemental rant. Clearly the Op had a number of things she needed to carefully consider before making her decision.

• reading the full thread is probably something you should do going forward to ensure you get the full story before commenting.

Well thanks for your input @Mother196. I have already decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. But that’s after a lot of talking, thinking and planning.
For the record though, I’m completely pro choice. And a different time, different circumstances my decision may have been a different one. So I would never judge anyone who for whatever reason chooses to have a termination.