Am I Being Irrationally Paranoid about my GF? - Whatsapp Texting, please help!

[chuppyson]

Hello Everyone,

My first post so please bare with me!

23 year old man here.

I've been with my current GF whos also 23 for 4 months. Everything is going well and I really do love her.

We've just spent this weekend together, everything was great, very lovey dovey and today we've been texting on and off on Whatsapp as we always do.

The conversation today was nothing out of the ordinary, just general chatter and having a laugh.

Now heres where my anxiety/paranoia kicks in!

We use Whatsapp to communicate when texting... As some of you may know you can see activity on Whatsapp:

1. You can tell when someone has last been online,
2. Your message has been delivered but not read (2 Grey Ticks)
3. Your message has been sent but not delivered (1 Grey Tick)
4. Your message has been sent, delivered and read. (2 Blue Ticks)

My GF sent me a text and I replied just as usual however this time, only one grey tick.. hmm odd I thought, must be a connection issue or she has no signal... Then it stayed like this for about an hour.

My anxiety kicked in and I start panicking thinking I've been blocked or shes done something to not receive my message which I dont even think is possible on Whatsapp..

I called her to speak about some work related stuff that had happened, everything was fine on the phone.. I mentioned about Whatsapp being funny... and said I wasn't sure if it was my phone or hers.

She had told me she hadn't received anything (which was true as it was still 1 grey tick and her last online was over an hour ago) she said she was still receiving Imessages so she said to send her another Whatsapp... I did and still 1 grey tick... She then said I'll check, after a few seconds she opened up Whatsapp it delivered and her "Last online" now said "Online"....

So I'm at a loss here... Do you think this is just an app glitch with Whatsapp playing up or she had done something odd to me? This hasn't ever happened before and everything has been fine? She then as I was saying how weird it seemed rapidly changed the subject saying "We should do something nice together this weekend" and so I made a joke about her blocking me and she laughed it off saying "Yeah because obviously I had enough of you hahah" as a joke.

Then ended with her walking into work and she said she'd text me later on today when she can...

I know this seems trivial to most but this just really fuels my anxiety... any of your comments or help would be appreciated!

Thank you!

What do you mean done something odd to you? Why would she take your call if she was blocking you?

Why would she block you anyway? What have you done?

I think you need to sort out your anxiety before you do lose her over your paranoia.

I don't think you'll get the reassuring replies you're looking for here.

My advice would be to delete watsapp and use another way of communicating. If you project this anxiety onto her often she will go a bit wierd and not indulge it.

Yes you are.

Am I Being Irrationally Paranoid about my GF?

In a word yes. You sound extremely hard work also. How would you have felt if she hadn't answered her call and it had gone straight to voicemail? Would you have gone to her home?

It's just a glitch by the sounds of it. You definitely need to chill. If she had made that joke in another context it would be mean but you were being OTT and it's obvious you are in a lot of contact so she was being sarcy, so it sounds fine to me. Relax please before you drive her away.

Oh my goodness, please do not tell your girlfriend how paranoid you are, and please try to get a grip!
I actually don't understand what it is you suspect is going on here?!

Why are you so paranoid? This whole story sounds ridiculous

Are you sure you are 23

oh lord yes, totally paranoid, that whatsapp thingy is very buggy

you are being very very very OTT

If she'd blocked you then you wouldn't see her last online or profile pic. WhatsApp has glitches now and then.

Lots of over thinking going on though! Why is that?

What help are you receiving for your anxiety? I really hope you're doing something about it. And I'd suggest staying single until you do.

Yep you are being paranoid.
This happens a lot when I send messages to my mum or bf on WhatsApp.
It's just their signal cutting out at times.
Sometimes my partner will send me a message and when I go onto WhatsApp it tells me my verification settings have changed and to enter my password. In which case the messages then come through.
If you are like this after 4 months I dread to think how the rest of this relationship is going to pan out.

You're being ridiculously paranoid and you really need to work on that, you're putting yourself in for continuous anxiety over absolutely nothing.

Do some introspection and see if you need to work on your anxiety as straight up anxiety, or if there are actual reasons why you're being like this.

It was a tech issue. The WhatsApp background message collection part of the app on her phone had crashed or wedged. Or maybe she'd rebooted the phone and hadn't started WhatsApp since then so it wasn't running at all.

Even if it had gone to two blue ticks, she's perfectly within her rights to not answer immediately. Accept that. If you need an immediate answer to something, either say so in the message or give her a call.

All,

Thank you for your prompt replies - She doesn't know the half of my overthinking as I know its my irrational gremlins taking control lol.

I've been majorly stung in a previous relationship and I have severe anxiety due to this as well as just from childhood. Yes I am seeking help for it.

Reasons why I think this is her mood changes constantly from hot to cold both on texting and in person and as this is still a relatively new relationship I'm still learning about her.

I know such issue I have posted sounds utterly silly and ridiculous and bottom line is, it is exactly that... Theres just always something in my brain that thinks the worst in every situation. I'm trying.

Even if it had gone to two blue ticks, she's perfectly within her rights to not answer immediately.

This ^^
It had only been an hour. Sometimes I don't speak to my partner for 12 hours at a time when he's at work.

Oh my god

You will drive her away!!

Unless it was absolutely important, If someone called me because 1 message hadn’t gone through I’d be thinking ‘wtf’

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been stung in past relationships - it’s no excuse to be so OTT. If you’re still not over what’s happened in the past then you probably shouldn’t be in a new relationship yet until you are over things.

This happened to me at the weekend. A friend messaged me 3 times on What's App and it showed one tick. He then texted me to see if there was a problem. When I opened WA all his messages arrived at once.

As pp said if you'd been blocked you wouldn't see she was online.

You need to chill

This has happened to me before when WhatsApp has played up but then if you actually go into it messages start appearing.

I've also received messages 2 hours later than the sender sent them and it has said the time sent was even 2 hours later. I only know this as we were talking about lunch and seemed too late to be talking about what we were having! HTH

Please also get help for your anxiety and paranoia

You're showing classic signs of hypervigilance, which is a symptom of anxious avoidant attachment style. It might help you to read up and see if any of it resonates with you.

the-love-compass.com/2014/02/22/understanding-the-needs-of-the-anxiouspreoccupied-attachment-style/

Another one echoing that it's a WhatsApp tech fault. It happens - a lot. It's notoriously unreliable if you're trying to check up on someone's activity.

I do, however, know some tips for determining whether someone is deleting them, but that's not for your situation so I'm not sharing them.

If you are still getting to know her, you don't love her. You can't live someone you don't know.

I also suspect she doesn't blow hot and cold. I think she is probably a normal person, gets distracted sometimes quiet sometimes, doesn't feel like texting, busy etc But you are panicking about it and seeng things in her behaviour that aren't there.

You are becoming someone who will become abusive. Your anxiety is your issue and you are trying to influence her behaviour. This is such a non issue and you are melting down about it.

we have a family group and individual chats, and I went to message dd, it said she hadn't been online for days on "our" chat, which I thought was odd as she had messaged the family group about collecting something from town if any of us were in there the previous day.

so i wouldn't worry unduly on whatsapp evidence.

Don’t try to read people’s moods via text! You can’t its impossible!

I spend over 8 hours a day at work, I can’t be in the same frame of mind all day. I might be concentrating, busy, bored, happy, hungry... all these things might happen to me during a day and essentially affect my ‘mood’. It’s massively unfair to determine her moods from this and all it is doing is making your paranoia worse

She likes you. She’s going out with you. You need to really work on your anxiety and not place any of this responsibility to assure you onto her.