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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does this sound like I’m a rebound?

4 replies

WhoOnEarthKnows · 15/10/2018 15:10

My boyfriend was dumped a year ago by his long term girlfriend and he admitted that it broke his heart, couldn’t go to work for a week, lost weight etc. I know he started dating again quite soon after this but the woman he was seeing ended things as she was having doubts. We’ve been together seven months and I myself are having doubts.

In the beginning he brought up his ex a lot and was very negative about her. One of his complaints was that she used to call him all the time and moan about how she hated her job, how she had had a bad day etc but he does exactly the same thing to me - he is always moaning. He has told me far too much about his ex and I expressed my concern that he wasn’t ready to be dating again. He said he was over her but was upset that she humiliated him by moving on so quickly with someone else. Then he contradicted himself and said that he’d had enough of their relationship by the end anyway.

Fast forward to now and my gut is telling me something’s wrong. He’s very affectionate and tells me he loves me and has even said he wAnts to marry me and have children. But I find he can be distant at times and sometimes says things which make me wonder if he is thinking of his ex. There are other things such as if he ever sees a car similar to the one she drives he will do a double take and he has accidentally called me her name before (once during sex but he swears I misheard him)

I also think he might be a bit depressed. He complains of being tired all the time and has stopped making an effort with his appearance. Strangely he says he is exhausted a lot but he can make the effort to go out to see his friends but when we’re together he just complains constantly that he is really tired. Sex is a strange one too - sometimes he is all over me and is really passionate, other times he complains he is too tired and not up for it. In my previous relationships during the honeymoon period there has always been a lot of sex and I’ve felt like neither of us could get enough of each other but I’m not really getting that from this guy.

I’ve met all his friends and family and he’s always saying how much he loves me but something feels off to me. We do have some really fun times together but the mood swings are throwing me and I don’t know whether I should cut my losses and run.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 15/10/2018 15:27

Honestly, this doesn't sound like it's got legs.

I know it's a cliche, but I do think men try to move on far too quickly. When I left my H I didn't date for 2 years. He moved in with someone else within 3 months.

My last LTR was with a guy who I later found out was still living with his wife at the time we met (he claimed to be single and split up for a year.)

I don't think you're getting much out of this relationship. Who wants to be the person who hears all the moaning and bitching? Life's too short!

ree348 · 15/10/2018 15:36

Listen to your gut instinct.

Sounds like he's not over her yet and needs more time before he can get himself into a committed relationship.

Don't waste any more time with him, if you guys are meant to be you will get back together once he's got rid of all this baggage.

ree348 · 15/10/2018 15:37

...also sounds like he's depressed to me too. Encourage him to see a dr.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 15/10/2018 16:16

The relationship isn’t working for you. The ex may be a red herring. You are not his psychologist.

Being constantly bathed in such angst and negativity by him will eventually have a negative impact on your own mental health. You don’t owe him loyalty or support with this; he needs to sort himself out.

Agree: trust your gut. Move on.

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