I'm sad and feel empty inside

[timetomove93]

Ok, I need to let this out somehow so here feels like a good place. This year for me has been a hard one. My marriage hit the rocks hard back in December and my worst fears were confirmed in early January. I don't want to go back over the whole sorry mess but ..

He cheated badly, said all the usual cr*p and sorry, if I'm honest I tried to patch things up for the sake of my two DC. Next Monday is my wedding anniversary and I'm thinking what's the bloody point!!

I dream often of packing up and moving me and children away for good. I don't love him like I did - how could I. In fact I'm really just putting up with this sorry mess for the children. I'm sad inside, I still have horrid vivid dreams about all the lies. I wake most mornings thinking about what he's done to our family. My question is will this ever go away? Should I just admit this is broken and leave.

Recently someone I know has ditched her marriage- not sure of the full story but she's a shell of her former self and it's like looking at myself through someone else. Her future and the future of her children is so uncertain but wow she's so brave. I want to be her!!

I doubt I'd walk away with anything, not that I care. Ladies who've made this move please give me some hope I'm so scared but just feel I can't love this lie anymore.

By all means walk away but don't stop him seeing his children. That does nothing but harm them. Don't condone cheating at all, quite the opposite but you have to separate your feelings about you & him from him & the children.

Wouldn't do that to the children, although I doubt he would make much effort.

It's tough being cheated on, my ExW did it to me after 15yrs of marriage, but I came out of it a stronger person and you will too. It really helped me to set goals for stuff outside my comfort zone. Being busy will stop you stewing and a sense of achievement is its own reward. It helps setup a positive mental attitude. Lean on friends when you need to, they are worth their weight in gold. Lastly never go backwards and let the cheater into your life again. Whilst you might forgive you can never forget and it's like a cancer, it's always in the back of your mind if they're at it again. Best of luck.

I just can't get past it, no matter how much I try to shut it down I feel like the damage is just too much. Months and months of lies that sent me half crazy. I just feel that my head space would be better spent on focusing on the future. I'm not thinking too far ahead and have no desire to start again, in fact I truly see myself alone from here on. I guess it's the long game of planning how to move on and when. I need to be financially stable firstly and look at options for relocation either locally or further afield (the later is more favourable).

I feel sad it's come to this, I worry the children being young won't fully understand and may well blame me - one day they will when they are old enough I guess I can tell them. Or do I just say nothing for now? I really don't know!

I left honestly it’s a relief my financial situation is a mess atm but I’m happy my DC are happy cheaters never change

Good for you @Feelafool88 what did you tell the children if you don't mind me asking? I'm sure the financial side will get better for you in time.