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Original poster

What would you do?

10 replies

Bebopaloola · 15/10/2018 13:17

I'm married to a lovely man and we have 2 dc. My lovely man is very overweight and has erectile dysfunction. I'm 44, he's 60. I love him very much, I don't want to leave. But I'm desperately sad about my crappy sex life. He tries cialis, viagra etc but they're not great. Wwyd?

OP posts:
TheStoic · 15/10/2018 13:19

Open marriage?

PerverseConverse · 15/10/2018 13:20

I'd want to know the cause of the ED. Is it his weight or other health issue? How's his sex drive generally? Have you explored alternatives to PIV sex to bring you both satisfaction? How's your relationship generally? Has he seen his GP?

Im0gen · 15/10/2018 13:23

Is he interested in losing weight ? Not just for his sex life but for his health. I assume he also has high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes .

hellsbellsmelons · 15/10/2018 13:52

I'd give him an ultimatum.
Lose weight and get medial help for his ED or you need to separate.
You cannot live the rest of your life like this.
You will end up his carer if he carries on like this.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/10/2018 14:28

I was listening to a piece about ED on Radio 2 this lunchtime. A DR said one of the most common causes was being overweight and with diabetes type 2. Encourage him to lose weight?

Original poster
Bebopaloola · 15/10/2018 15:02

He has been to see his doctor. He certainly says he's very interested in improving his erection. I truly believe he really, really tries. He's been battling his weight for 30 years now. But we kind of get nowhere beyond that. He says he has a high sex drive and I think, although it has reduced, he certainly has a sex drive. He needs to lose weight but he just never seems to. GreenFingers do you mean that the doctor on the radio said the ED is because of being overweight? I really believe that this is connected. He doesn't have diabetes, he is really quite healthy in general. He works in an active job. He does bring me to orgasm in another way. He is really lovely and I'd hate to leave him and I'd hate to cause my kids such distress just for my sex life. I'm awfully worried about this. We're getting nowhere with the ED or the weight even though he shows willing

OP posts:
Original poster
Bebopaloola · 15/10/2018 15:02

I sometimes think about quietly having an open marriage but it would kill him.

OP posts:
Aprilislonggone · 15/10/2018 15:06

Never too old to get a personal trainer. Some Dr surgeries get you a discount for a membership.
The gym I go to has a huge man there regularly. I have huge admiration for him.
Would he discuss that with a Dr as you need a check up first?

Original poster
Bebopaloola · 15/10/2018 15:27

I'll ask him. Again.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 15/10/2018 15:33

If he is in the morbidly obese category then he may well qualify for gastric bypass, depending on the criteria in your local NHS trust.

I had bypass 4 years ago. It was really really hard and it's a massive adjustment. But I was addicted to food and it sounds like your H is too. I went from a BMI of 51 to now 26.

I don't have a penis but it's definitely reignited my libido.

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