Hi! I've been with my boufriend for a year and two months. I have in my life (I'm becoming 29 in a few months) only one "proper" relatiobship so far - it lasted for 1.5 years, but I was 18-19 then. Since then I have had some guys with whome I've had 1-2 dates or which have lasted maximum 1-3 months. Some of them left me, some of them I decided to end.
So then I started seeing my current boyfriend, for a year and two months now. He seemed decent and nice and reasonable and caring - compared to all the other guys. He really is. But he also has several aspects I do not feel comfortable or which cause me to feel not connected to him. I have worked hard on my past to become more brave, more outgoing, find or keep freidnships and find my self a hobby - to live as close to my inner dreams as possible (in the past I have been very lonely and thus rather modest and keeping myself isolated from life, although inside I always wanted to be outgoing, live and have fun). I worked really hard to accomplish this. Now, with my partner I rather feel that he holds me back or some kind of regression. He does support my hobby and he does not say I cannot meet my friends, but as he has no hobbies and basically no friends (anymore) he has a lot of free time besides work and I feel like he depends on me. There are also other things that I feel I must somehow hodl myself back and I cannot really live my whole potential. I would like to try new things and meet new people and maybe go to university again - but then I feel like I would abandon him because he has nothing to do besides spending time with me. He says its not an issue, but hes behaviour says otherwise. I just feel that it is not right. On the other hand, he has made some improvement, he is very helpful, caring, loving, etcetc. All a girl could dream of. But I feel like I'm losing my independence and my life. I have thought about leaving him, but then again he is so good to me as well and I really can't break his heart (especially that all his previous girlfriends have left him and since childhood he has some abandoning issues).
Maybe I have some kind of issue which hinders me loving and caring and trying to live my life as full with my partner beside me? How to figure it out? Maybe I have some kind of commitment-issues?
But I feel I have missed out so many things in my life previously due to my insecurities etc. And now I have gained all this confidence etc and I want to do all kinds of things, but most of them require me to do these things alone - going to university for example. And then he has nothing to do by himself and I feel like I should be spending more time with him. Currently, I have different goups of friends, but they live in different areas and we do not see often, but on average once per month for a few hours we meet. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I also have my dancing hobby, which involves training classes two times per week, rehearsing at home (which has come to minimum by now and which results in bad shape and that I'm not happy with my progress which mkes me sad), performances on average once per two months which also involve one-two extra rehearsels. To him, this has already been too much. I have cut down on performances etc, now he seems he accepts this amount, but I feel like if I should take any further things to do by myself, he would be upset again. And on top of that - I reallyreally need some alone time, but I cant get it. I would have to throw him out of our home to have some privacy. But he has nowhere to go. I do not know.. I made the mistake by moving in together with him two months ago. I figured it would solve the issue that "we cannot spend enough time together" - but it has made it worse in terms of me not having my alone time like never.
Im so confused. He has so many positive traits, but he has aspects which hinder me being myself (for example when sometimes I laugh hard and tears are falling, then he just walks away and leaves me by myself.. it saddens me, so I try to avoid such behaviour; or I am rather emotional in conversations and I tned to ask a lot of questions and interrupt, but I do not think it is too much, but he hates when he is interrupted and he is very slow talker and his thoughts are sooooo long and I have million of questions already so I cannot focuse anymore. So I try to avoid interrupting, as he has several times told me so, but this means that I just stare at one point and patiently listen to him and then say OK. Ths alos does not suit him because he says I am not attentive. I cannot find a balance, to be honest. He also does not ask questions, he does not ask about my past or my plans or my future dreams. He listens when I talk and remembers, but he does not ask any further. He says he does not know what to ask and also that if he wants to ask, he do not want to cause trouble to the other person, like maybe the other person does not want to answer. I have told him that it is not the case with me and he can ask me whatever and whenever and I would really like it. But nope, still nothing. Only minor improvements, but not enough). I think he would be great when we would have children - man who stays home and takes care of his family, he is a great cook and likes to cook (I do not like to cook) etc would be great. But I do not think I want children yet. He would be great during our old-age days. But at this point of my life - he holds me back I feel. He is not so active and outgoing. And if I want to be, then I have to motivate him too. But it also takes will and strenght to motivate myself, still. It is tiring to have to motivate another one too. But if I end it - maybe I will regret it later in my life, when I have done all I want to do and Iäm ready for children etc.