I’ll start by saying that DP has tons of good qualities along with some bad ones. I’m certainly not perfect either. Been together four years. There have been happy times and some setbacks which we have overcome together.
The thing is, I don’t know if I’m really happy anymore. A few of the reasons being:
- I think we want different things (marriage, DC) or at least want to move at different paces. That wouldn’t be a huge issue but he gives me mixed messages and it’s making me miserable. It’s getting to the point where I feel he is just messing me about and i don’t understand why he holds all the cards and gets to make all the decisions.
- He is lazy. He never used to be, I think he has become complacent and I am an enabler. It’s not just housework, it’s like he can’t even be bothered to have sex anymore. He’s 30, I’m just under. I don’t have a huge sex drive but I feel neglected and deprived. I feel at this age and only 4 years since we met we should still be all over each other. He is quite content with oral sex (on him) once or twice a week. So I do make an effort but he rarely does. I always have to initiate it and it’s making me feel quite unwanted.
- We work opposite shifts so I hardly see him during the week. I get quite lonely in the evenings and although we spend a lot of time together at weekends I feel we live separate lives during the week. Weekends are usually ruined by too much alcohol/hangovers and I want different lifestyles for us both.
- I have one DS (6) from a previous relationship who DP loves to pieces but he can be overly harsh on DS, who apart from being a tad clumsy and sometimes forgetting his manners is a very smart, well behaved and sweet kid. DP is so critical of my parenting skills and has low tolerance of what he perceives to be bad behaviour. I really don’t want DS to grow up resenting DP.
- The last point I’ll add is that DP puts me down a lot. Instead of feeling gorgeous and loved like I used to, I now feel ugly, fat and worthless. He often likes to point out how few friends I have. I really don’t understand this as he obviously used to fancy the pants off me and I haven’t changed much. My theory is that he does it to make himself feel better as he is quite overweight.
Writing all this down makes me feel terribly guilty, and before anyone says it, I know I need to sit down and have a discussion with him and I will do.
My question is are we stuck in a rut or is this the beginning of the end? We do still make each other laugh and we go on “dates”, I enjoy those times together. Has anyone been unhappy in a relationship and managed to turn it around?
Thank you for reading if you got this far.