Am I being stubborn.

[bibi75]

Its a long story. But to make it short, ive been married 20 years. Out of which 10 have been a horror story. We have two grown kids 18 and 14. Live in the Uk. Hes volatile, abusive angry and very controlling. He has. a box i need to fit into. If i do its all good, but if i do anything which he doesnt want me to at that point all hell breaks loose. Hes recently been telling our daughter how i look at other men lustfully. Hes an addict snd has lost his libido 8 years ago. We have no relationship. Thing is ive always been a home maker, i have no money or a job. My future is bleak as my present. How can i get out of this? Or am i wrong to believe that this is unacceptable behaviour? In a bad head space.

It's very wrong. Hopefully someone will post the link to women's aid soon. Don't waste your life with this abuser.

Hes never hit me. But mentally im a wreck.

Do not live another 10 years in this horror story. You have a choice re this man, they do not.

Abusive people as well do not have to solely hit you to hurt you.

Please call Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 and engage their help to get you away from your abuser and addict. You are married to him and have legal rights here.

This is no relationship model to be showing your children; they cannot afford to grow up learning such damaging lessons on relationships. What do you think you have taught them about relationships here?. Would you want them to have a relationship like this as adults, no you would not. Do not continue to show them that this is in any way acceptable to you.

I'm sure other posters will be on to help more than I can. But you've made the right step in thinking about leaving

Hes a loving responsible dad. Just an awful husband , and not even that if he has full control. Control like i cant be 15 minutes late. Im so tired. I dont think its ok. But financially i dont know what to do.

He’s absolutely not a loving or responsible dad if he lies to your daughter about you. You need to get away, not just for your own sake, but for your children’s.

Call Women’s Aid - if you can’t get through the first time, keep trying.

You and your kids deserve much much better than this

Thanks

Now he has started on your daughter

If that doesn't mobilise you into action, nothing will

Thats true. Hes started controlling her now. I need to be strong.

How does that fact level with your assertion he is a "loving responsible dad" ?

He takes care of them . Doesnt deter from any responsibility towards them. The kids adore him. But recently hes been brainwashing my daughter. I assume its the anger taking over his senses. Im in a pickle myself.

Call Womens Aid.
They can help you with local support services.
You will be entitled to housing benefit, tax credits, etc....... So call CAB about that!
See where you would stand if you separate and then take it from there.

Yes. Ive made an appointment with the citizens bureau. Lets see where i stand. Will call womens aid aswell.

Good luck, Bibi

A good father does not treat the mother of his children like this