New here and newly separated

[rainyel]

So I'm new here and just looking for somewhere I can vent, advice + share my experiences. I dated my husband for 3 years and married for 6 years. We have a speech delay 3 years old and for the past years, I have been hinting I want to have another child before 40 (I'm 39 now) which he refused. Then on labor day, after my anger outburst, he said he wanted a separation. I begged him to stay so he has been sleeping on the sofa since then.

Our relationship has been very polite and because he's home like normal, it gave me false hope. I have been going thru this hope then crush cycle for the past 3 weeks and today I found out he no longer loves me. He said he fall out of love with me since last year. There wasn't anyone in the picture and he said I can go on dates if I like. I don't understand how he can go you are my soulmate to I'm nothing.

We have to move out by mid November (My dad passed away this March and this is my mom's house) so he will be living like nothing happen till then. I'm at lost of what to do now. How do you stop loving someone who doesn't love you back? How do you let go? Is there med. I can take that would make me stop crying?

Would he be open to counseling to help you move forward?

You are in shock and it's understandable.
It's impossible to know what is on your husband's mind or how things will progress but in my mind a few things are certain:
You have a 3 year old who loves you and needs you to show him that everything is going to be alright.
If your husband was staying because there are issues that can be sorted you could try therapy but saying he has "fallen out of love" doesn't sound good.
Whatever the reason begging him to stay doesn't help. Focus on a day at a time. What needs doing tomorrow? Make a plan. Be strong. Be your best self. You can't beg someone into a relationship. He won't respect you and that's not what love is about. Would you really want him to stay if he doesn't love you? Or if he has someone else?
I'm sure it feels unbearable now but it will get better. Many of us have done it and you can do it too. Get whatever support you can and be gentle to yourself.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this so shortly after you lost your dad. Do speak to your Dr if you are struggling to cope. They will be able to advise and help you with medication if necessary.

He's staying I think mostly because my son and money. I paid for the mortgage and utilities bills while he paid for the cable, internet and his truck. He doesn't want to go counseling as he doesn't think that would help. The thing that hurt me the most is he told his friends, family and even his freaking co-worker that he isn't happy in this marriage but he didn't bother to talk about that with me.

Telling everyone behind your back is not fair. What an idiot.
Well good luck to him after November when he has to pay his stuff on his own plus child support.

I think Villagelifer has given very good advice.
From my personal experience, I think he has already left the relationship and is only staying for financial convenience. As soon as that gets complicated or he is in a better position he will move on.
Start putting yourself first. Go see a lawyer or Citizens Advice (sorry I’m not in the UK) or similar and educate yourself on what financial benefits and rights you have. You need to empower yourself with as many choices as possible and unfortunately money is probably the biggest priority.
If you do separate, hold your head high and be cool, courteous and respectful to him at all times. This is where close girlfriends come into play. They are the ones you blow off steam with and rant to. Never lose it with him. This is how you retain your power and respect.
I found it took me a year to stop loving my ex husband after he left me 10 years ago.
I let myself be angry for 2 weeks initially and then I “forgave” him. People couldn’t get over that but I did it for me and my kids. I wanted to move on and not be an ugly, angry man hater. I still cried but a huge weight lifted off me.
Women stay or let their husbands stay because they think that’s as good as it gets. But if it was the other way around, no man would put up with you saying I’ve fallen out of love with you, let me still live in the house. You’d be kicked to the curb.
Why on earth do we women put up with being treated like %#}*
Expect to be treated like the Goddess you are and you will be.

Thank you everyone. It hasn't been easy but reading everyone advice makes me feel better.

I don't have any friends left. All my friends are his friends too so I have no one to talk to and it has been hard keeping my rage in check.

Keep talking on here rainyel, a lot of people have been through similar experiences and have heard the same lines. Just been through similar myself, it's horrible but it gets better slowly.