I can't listen to music any more

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I got myself in a ridiculous situation a few years ago. A friend and I used to go out dancing fairly regularly (maybe once a month) because neither of our DPs were interested and we both loved to dance. Anyway after a while it became clear that while we never "did" anything we were getting closer than just friends so we took the sensible decision to spend a lot less time together.

I miss him and our nights out a lot. I never dance now, have no one to dance with and listening to music makes me cry. I'm not sure if I'm crying for him or for the good times, but music has the power to completely undo me. Generally I am fine, don't think about him from one week to the next and then a few tunes can turn me into a puddle. It's not even certain songs, but most songs.

I listen to radio four in the car usually and never have music on at home. Today I had an hour's drive by myself and thought I was getting stronger so I put radio two on. By the time I got there I was a mess.

It's been eight years and DH and I are fine. We have fun with lots of shared interests, just not dancing.

I don't know what to do about it. Christmas is coming, there will be parties, the things I used to love, either with or without my friend, but now I just find them unbearably sad.

Oh ...

Nothing to offer but empathy. (Because my ‘advice’ would be Very Wrong.)

Eight years is an awful long time to be sad.

You've been like this for 8 years?

Did you marry the wrong person? You seem to be grieving for your dance partner? Or the dancing?

Can you not just go to parties or dance classes/events with another friend, preferably female? Less risk of creating a bond with a man in that you can dance with whoever asks you, then leave it at that.

Its difficult when you have a passion for something your partner doesn't share. But at least you have good times in other ways.

I think you're grieving the loss of your friend. Get back on the dance floor and see how you feel. You've been sad for years.. that's unusual, as you say you've a good relationship with your Husband. Whatever it is, it seems you have to get dancing again.

But if you find that also makes you sad and miss your friend then, your issue is closer to home.

I'm kind of the same. It's been a couple of years for me. I'm afraid to listen to music now because of the emotional trigger. For me, it goes back to a time in my life when I was falling in love and life was incredibly exciting. I miss that feeling very much. It's the way I felt then, more than the person that I miss though. Do you think you might be the same?