The last breakup I went through, was after 12 years with an abusive arsehole with whom I have two children. I didn’t ever grieve because I just overwhelmingly felt free and happy for the first time in a decade. After a year, I started dating again, initially just looking for a FWB setup but ended up meeting XBF.
We spent four incredible years together - I have never been with someone so compatible, we rarely argued, and despite being cheated on a LOT by XH, I found it easy to trust him. Until a few months ago when he started to become distant, blaming his mental health and mine too. He maintained that this was just a blip and that he wanted us both to get well before working on our relationship and we were still spending time together (which was as good as it’s always been). It was a wake up call for me and I started working hard on improving my mental health and immediately started to feel the benefits.
Despite this, it became increasingly obvious that he was just stringing me along and so I ended it. He was still saying he wanted to be with me but he has blown me off whenever I’ve invited him around so I’m starting to think it’s just words and I need to stop contact with him.
I’m so hurt though and incredibly lonely. Life was good when we met. I was slim and attractive. I loved being a mother, had a great friendship group. A job I loved. My children were seeing their dad regularly so I got lots of time to do the things I wanted. But now I have a chronic illness which has caused massive weight gain, XH is not seeing the kids (currently going through court so great timing for a breakup), one of my kids has massive problems (suspect asd but professional support has been next to nothing), I lost most of my friends as I stopped going out due to ill health and mental health. I hate my job. Basically, things are shit.
The loneliness is the worst though and it’s made me realise how much I relied on him for company. I’ve been reading advice on how to fill the void after a relationship breakdown but it all seems to be aimed at women who don’t have children. I’m doing a lot of what is advised - getting out and doing new things - but ultimately, I’m trapped by lack of babysitters and money. I don’t enjoy motherhood either and feel very much alone with my eldest’s problems which limit everything really.
I’m starting to wonder why I’ve bothered working so hard on myself when I’m trapped by my situation and have ended back in this shit place again.
Will things ever get better? 